Suicide, No Girlfriend


Like you, I get interesting items in my search engine terms. You know, the little phrases that people type into Google, Yahoo, or who-knows-where that bring them to your blog. Some of these are intriguing– “cleaning house wearing only black stockings,” “long toenails school,” “my neighbor is hypnotizing me.” Many of these leave me scratching my head, wondering, “How did typing THAT get them HERE?” But one search term keeps coming up over and over, several times a week, and it’s really making me sad.

“suicide no girlfriend”

I’m trying to imagine the person typing this. Are they young or old? Male or female? Are they writing it about themselves, or a recently departed friend? Maybe it’s someone who’s trying to prevent his girlfriend’s death. In my mind, it’s a young guy, maybe late teens, early twenties. He’s dejected, discouraged and depressed because of a lack of female companionship, save for his mother. If what I’m surmising is true (and even if its not), I want to send a message to him. That message is: DON’T DO IT!

You can’t take it back, you’ll miss a lot of wonderful stuff, life is good, get some hobbies, call a friend, there are people who care about you, life has its peaks and valleys, there’s a great big beautiful world out there, find your happiness within, time heals all wounds.

My father committed suicide many years ago. I miss him every day– it’s left a gaping hole in my heart, and the hearts of many others. But what I wish I could have convinced him of is that things change. If he’d hung around, his existence today would be far different than it was back then. I’m sure of it. Our lives are ever-moving and ever-evolving. New people come and go, new experiences shape us, new ideas present themselves. It can be very tragic. It can also be very beautiful. Stick around and see how the movie ends.

90 thoughts on “Suicide, No Girlfriend

  1. zoeystorm says:

    not to mention those during the credit outtakes and the extra minute of closure ending they make you wait for after the credits are done! All those are worth sticking around for definately. I hope that whoever that search refers to feels your good will and waits for life to turn a bend.

  2. ExACTly! I hope so too, zoey.

  3. Hopefully the Googler meant to type “suicide no, girlfriend!” Maybe it’s a woman trying to find all the thing to say to a potentially suicidal friend.

    When things were really awful for someone, my mother used to repeat the old saw, “It’s always darkest just before dawn.” As trite as that might sound to some people, I’ve found it to be amazingly true in my own life. The secret is as you said, to stick around and see how the movie ends, to wait out the dark and give the dawn a chance.

  4. QuakerDave says:

    The father of a boy I coached on two soccer teams killed himself a few years back. He was driving his family home from the Jersey shore. They were all in the car with him. They were on a bridge over one of the inlets down that way. The car was stopped in traffic, near the highest spot. He turned off the engine, got out, closed the car door, walked to the side of the road, and threw himself off the span.

    His family saw them fish him out of the water.

    None of us who knew him have been quite the same since.

    What haunts me is that the year before, when his son came onto my team, he’d said these really nice things to me. Like, he’d heard I was a good coach, and that I treated my players well. That was all nice, a very nice compliment, but the kind of stuff parents can say to butter up the new coach.

    But then he said something like, “It’ll be good to know my son will have someone to look up to.”

    Like he knew something then. And we all missed it.

  5. Your mother was so right, LWB. I think that for some people it just takes too long for the dawn to come. It’s hard for them to see the light at the end of a very long tunnel.

    Quaker Dave, that’s so tragic.. A person has to be in such a horrendously painful state to do something like that– to hurt others so deeply. I don’t know what else to say. I feel so sorry for the man’s family and friends. You couldn’t have seen it coming– you can only see things like that in retrospect.

  6. Little Miss says:

    I have – in my past – suffered from chronic depression and was misdiagnosed and mistreated for years. Not to go into any real detail but a combination of things, including finally getting the right treatment, have made me better. Depression is no longer chronic for me and my lows are never even remotely as low as they used to be. I used to have suicidal ideations many, many years ago – especially as a teen – but I no longer have them. I think the main thing for me that changed (aside from maturity) was finding spirituality in my life – not religion – but a sense of a higher power, something bigger than me that takes care of me and loves me and has only the best in life planned for me.

    One saying that I continually cling to is “Don’t quit before the miracle happens”. So many times in my life I have paused and watched – sort of like standing aside myself – events happen in my life and my emotions go around and around and when I’m at my lowest, I watch, and sure enough, something happens that could be considered miraculous (or not) that changes everything. Everything.

    MBMQ – I really love the topics you bring up. They are great food for thought – and very relevant.

  7. Little Miss: I had to let your comment gestate for a while. It’s very beautiful. I have found the same thing to be true. The sense of a loving, guiding force that does bring miracles. Many times, it’s pulled me off the railroad tracks right before the choochoo squished me. It leaves me with a sense of gratitude, wonder, and love. I tend to keep this private, but I never take it for granted– it makes me feel very fortunate. You put so eloquently what is in my heart all the time.

    I’m glad you made it through your dark times, and I’m always thrilled to read your thoughts.

  8. Netty Gritty says:

    oh god, this is actually the first post i read ever that almost made me cry! yeah, suicides are a complete no-no. i know of a girl who used to be pretty self-confident and committed suicide because of a love gone bad. i wish i could make her read this post. although i never met her, i miss her in a funny way. i guess things are connected. i wonder how it would be to meet her in person. and do stuff together, you know, just stuff, being alive and all that.

  9. Oh, I’m sorry to almost make you cry. Some of my blog entries are like that, I’m afraid. I agree with you– it would be nice to be able to help people through their hard times. It’s awful to think that people commit suicide because of a breakup. She probably had a lot more love in her future.

  10. someguy says:

    I pretty much fit your description, it’s how I got on this page. I think about suicide almost every day, and though I mostly won’t do it, it’s hard to deal with life. I don’t mind dying, but I can’t make people around me suffer for the rest of their life. That’s the only thing that’s been stopping me from really planning how to end my life.
    Life might get better, and it’s a good point you’re telling this to the world. Thanks for that.

  11. I’m so glad you found the page. And life will get better. Mind if I e-mail you and we can discuss this a little more?

  12. someguy says:

    I don’t mind

  13. Joseph says:

    I LOOKED up suicide no girlfriend to find an article about someone who committed suicie (im not sure if it exists, im trying to see) because he had no girlfriend or something.. im 14 im male

    Hi Joseph. I don’t think you’re the only one looking it up. I’ve had it on my search terms at least once a week for a couple of months–sometimes several times a week. I doubt that you’ve been researching all this time, but thank you for letting me know that you were one of those looking.

  14. Paul says:

    First off let me thank you and everyone who has commented I read the whole thing. Stunning.

    I, like Joe, came here because of a search I made looking for help, although my situation is different.

    I love someone so deeply, and I believed they loved me too, just as deeply. However for several reasons, it turns out that that just isn’t the case, and I am left abandoned, embarassed, feeling all-together … severed, in fact.

    I’m in a state of perpetual denial that everything will be okay with this girl that I’ve been so close to for the last year. I’m so depressed and angry at the way she treats me yet I couldn’t bear to be apart from her. She thinks I’m childish, I keep thinking I’m Bipolar.

    When I’m not with her all I want to do is talk to her, but when I am with her she upsets me so badly with the things she does, says, and the things she doesn’t do or say that I simply must leave. To which I do, and I cry, and I get very close to taking my own life.

    The sentiment “It’s always darkest just before dawn.” is beautiful, thank you for that, but I fer it will just not be enough the next time I try to talk to her.

    Thank you all, keep on fighting the good fight, and thanks to this little white box for one of the only outlets of my emotions.

    Paul

  15. Brian says:

    Paul,

    As someone who was hospitalized for an overdose when I was in my late teens, I know what a sickening black hole that depression can be. I hope that you will listen to me when I tell you that nothing you’ve described is worth killing yourself over.

    Imagine the pain you will cause those around you. Consider the achingly beautiful moments in life that you might miss – like the birth of a child, or falling in love with someone who really respects you and loves you back unconditionally. You don’t want to miss that.

    Every moment we have is a precious gift, and there are millions of people who have terminal illnesses that would give anything for a few additional breaths. Don’t throw that away.

    I urge you to speak to someone about your feelings. It doesn’t have to be a professional, but that would be preferable. I commend your courage for posting this comment, but trust me, she isn’t worth it.

    Although I don’t know you personally, you will be in my thoughts. When you feel like you are in your lowest place, know that there are people who care about you. I care and I feel your pain.

  16. @ Paul: Please read what Brian’s said carefully. When you look back at seemingly hopeless situations in your life, you see them in a whole new light. But you have to hang in long enough for that hindsight. No one who treats you badly, or thinks you’re childish is a good match. She might be a great girl, but if it’s not meant to be, you have to have the strength to deal with it and move on. Sometimes, that means getting some outside help.

    Please explore all avenues for getting through depression. There are many open doors, but it’s sometimes hard to see options. Believe me, they’re there.

    You’re in my thoughts too. Feel free to use this “little white space” whenever you need to.

  17. randomone says:

    I have the same problem going through my mind. I think there is no hope any more. Everyone around me is starting to say I’m not acting like me any more and what is wrong with me and why i never laugh any more. The truth is I’m to embarrassed to share this problems with anyone else. inside it gets worse everyday. I pray everyday for things to improve. i am a strong believer in god and i no suicide is the dumb solution to this problem. This single comment changed my attitude completely and i strongly thanks whomever posted this ——–> ” It’s always darkest just before dawn.”

  18. @ Randomone: I think that “darkest before the dawn” thing really is true. As an official old person, I can look back and say that that’s been the case for me many times.

    I know this probably sounds a little ridiculous, but you know, there are many, many people in this world to love– it doesn’t necessarily have to be a girlfriend, although having a romantic partner definitely has its upside. All I mean is this– the times in life when a person is able to give love– by being with friends, doing volunteer work, etc., seem to bring love back. Love begets love. You sound like a thoughtful, good person, and I’m sort of doubting that your girlfriend drought will last forever. In the meantime, I hope you can fill your life with other people who are deserving of your love. Good luck!!

  19. Dan says:

    “In my mind, it’s a young guy, maybe late teens, early twenties. He’s dejected, discouraged and depressed because of a lack of female companionship, save for his mother.”

    That’s me! Although I wouldn’t go as far as to commit suicide, I do feel constantly confused and frustrated by the lack of romantic success in my life, and I do sometimes wonder if a life without love is even worth living.

    Thanks for commenting here, Dan. I hope you read some of the other wonderful comments on this post. There’s a lot of wisdom there.

    There are all kinds of love out there in the big wide world. Some of it’s romantic love, some of it comes from friends, family and even strangers. Of course, you have to give it to receive it, and a lot of single people (like me) will tell you that there have been long stretches of lonely time where we had to rely on non-romantic love, which sometimes sucks. I think that part of the trick is to develop enough interests to fill the void. Hang in there– it does get better. It gets worse too, but it always gets better!

    Thank you so much for visiting here, and for your comments.

  20. Dan says:

    Thanks for your kind words,

    The strange thing is, I have a LOT of interests: I work, I study, I volunteer at a radio station where I get to interview rock stars, I do karate and other physical activities. I have an incredibly busy life that I enjoy for the most part. But somehow, no-one wants to be a part of it. I’m not ugly, and I don’t act boring or desperate or creepy, so I don’t know what the problem is.

    Non-romantic love is great, but as a young adult (early 20s) I have a strong yearning for the only thing msising in my life: Romantic love. If these needs aren’t met, it produces a feeling similar to loss and grief ie: this loneliness that constantly plagues me.

    Confidence is the main thing that attracts women, and I gain confidence from my hobbies and accomplishments, but it’s hard to maintain that confidence when you’re constantly told (in the nicest possible way) to basically go fuck yourself.

    I’d like to stick around and see how the movie ends, but I fear the ending might be miserable. And I don’t know how much more loneliness I can endure… 20 years? 30 years? The straw will break this camels back long before then.

    God, I’m venting to strangers on a friggin’ Internet blog. Now that’s shameful. Back to studying.

  21. Anon says:

    I am one of the lonely young men that this is written about. I am nineteen years old, and have never had a girlfriend. No girl has shown any interest in me, and I’m not going to sit here and lie, I’m ugly. I take care of myself though and work out regularly, eat right and jog. I also keep a good GPA in college where I am currently a Finance major.

    First off, it’s almost amusing that some people can’t believe that people actually typed this into their search engine, some of them seem to be almost in denial. Yes people, we do exist as painful as it is to say. There is a surprising number of us if you really look. If you do we are easy to spot.

    I came upon this thread when I was depressed on Saturday. I did type in “suicide no girlfriend” into the google search engine to see what would come up. I don’t really know why I do it, it’s almost ritualized whenever it happens. I’ve been doing it since I started getting really upset about it when I was sixteen. I don’t know if it really helps, it generally just subsides after a day or two. The hell of it is, it appears seemingly randomly for no reason. I might be alright for a few weeks, and then am completely blindsided by depression. I have gotten good at blocking it out and living normally.

    I have given up hope for ever actually having a girlfriend. Everything I have done has failed, and now I can be nothing but certain of my futility. Women don’t like me; my appearance makes me an eyesore. I have been able to overcome obesity, mathematical and literary backwardness and even learn to socialize with other people on a pretty normal level, but the way m face looks is something I can’t change without plastic surgery. The most disturbing thing though isn’t that loved ones act like there is something amiss, it’s the reverse, my parents act like it’s normal. My mother, trying to console me one day ended up saying to me one of the most unsettling things I had ever heard.
    ‘You’ll probably find a girlfriend one day, and she’ll be your first, and you’ll marry her”.
    As lovingly as it was meant, she disguised the disturbing message of the phrase even from herself. It really meant “You’ll be so demoralized from rejection, that you’ll try to marry the first girl you meet.”

    Anyway, I have a message for other people like myself. You have to live for yourself, no one else. Suicide is only an option if you foresee nothing but a life of suffering for with no joy and no happiness. This isn’t the case for most of you. You do have something worthy to live for, and you have to be strong; even stronger than normal people. Find the one thing in your life that you love more than anything and pursue, be it art, architecture or culinary arts. Find this love, and pursue it at all costs, for yourself and no one else. Train your mind and your body, and become something more than just yourself. It will be long and hard, but the dice have already been rolled and you have to do the best with what you have.

  22. Dan and Anon:

    Your comments have gotten me thinking… I’m going to ask some of my readers to respond to what you’ve written. Let’s see if any of them have some thoughts or advice on what you’ve said here. Stay tuned…

  23. [...] am (Blogging, Random, depression) (blog love, depression, girlfriend, suicide) There’s a post I once wrote in response to another post I once wrote that generates quite a few interesting [...]

  24. boundandgags says:

    Without knowing the person it’s a shotgun response at best (oh, yeah, hmmm, maybe shotgun wasn’t the best word to use). You can’t be specific. It always sounds awkward. Empty. “Don’t do it!” “It’ll get better!” Buck up, little soldier!” I don’t know, that wouldn’t be much help to me.

    My Mother once told me after my father died she went as far as to stick her head in the oven. What snapped her out of it was the thought of leaving two kids. So maybe it’s something outside of you that brings you out of yourself. Because, inside, nothing seems as if it matters.

    I’ve known many suicides and I’m not qualified to judge. Some were over relationships, others a general despair, others still illness. What I am qualified to judge is the aftermath. Each discovery was gruesome for the person who found them. Most weren’t angry (by that I mean they went out of their way to target the person who would find them) but they all had repercussions for everyone around then.

    And they were never the good kind.

    As far as helping, that’s also individual. Sometimes it’s as simple as being there. Listening without judgement is a wonderful tool. It shows that, no matter what they think, they are not alone. Sometimes it is a much more aggressive approach that works. Sometimes you stumble into it.

    There was a friend I’d see every month or so. It wasn’t abnormal for it to go longer so when he called after a few months I wasn’t surprised. What I didn’t know until later was that he’d planned this to be our last dinner. He was going through his friends seeing them one last time before he offed himself. A man with a plan.

    I was clueless so treated it like I always did. Just have some fun and let it go. We’d talk about all kinds of things so it wasn’t weird when he asked my opinion of suicide. So you know what happened next. I went into a routine.

    I went over ways to do it so it wasn’t messy or frightening (like if you were going to shoot yourself in the house do it in the fridge – after emptying it, of course, and leaving enough money for a new one – so they can just fold you up and cart you out); horror stories I knew about people who failed and those who found successes (I know it’s hard to believe but I found ways to make him laugh about that); just riffing. I also told him, personally, I have a hard time respecting my friends who’ve done it because there was always someone there they could have confided in. They had options.

    We split and he didn’t call for a few weeks. When he did he told me his story. To say I was surprised would be an insult to surprise. When he told me the only reason he didn’t was because I made him see the absurdity (he said he couldn’t get the image of him hanging out of a fridge out of his head and laughed about it every time) and he didn’t want to lose my respect.

    That was over a decade ago. I haven’t talked to him in a couple of months but he recently told me this is the best time of his life. Although he hasn’t said it, I’m sure he knows if he wasn’t here he would have missed it.

    Then there’s a guy who, to this day, we call Suicide. I did my bits for him but that had no effect. With him it was more listening and keeping him out of his own way. One day he’s visiting, it was during the phase when he’s giving his belongings away. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the movie Cobra, but, in it there a guy who has a huge knife with spikes at the handle. Well, he pulled one of those out of his bag.

    “I’ll be taking that.” Is all I said as I pulled it from his hands. From there it got a little testy. I told him I didn’t give a shit if he killed himself but he wasn’t taking anyone with him and this knife could only be used for that.

    He’d come back from time to time but after that moment it got easier and easier as he started to see that his anger wasn’t real. He’d built a totem to his ‘what if’s. . .’ and blamed everyone around him for the choices he made.

    He’s doing well now. Sure, when he found out we called him Suicide he was a little pissed. But, after awhile, he embraced it for what it is. Friends caring enough to call him an asshole.

    Now I’m sure neither of these ‘techniques’ would work, be safe, or useful on anyone else. But they both come down to the one thing I know about the suicidal who are willing to talk.

    Sometimes all they need is someone to listen without judgement.

  25. Brian says:

    To Anon, who’s feels like his physical appearance will prevent him from ever having a relationship:

    Something tells me that you might be judging yourself much more harshly than others would, but in the effort to lighten your mood a bit, I want to share some hilarious insight from one of the Queens of Comedy (available on DVD). She talked about how there is someone for everybody, no matter how they look. She said it didn’t matter if a woman was the most buck-toothed person you’d ever seen, there was someone out there that wanted a lady who could eat an apple through a picket fence. It’s quite funny, but the underlying sentiment is entirely true. There IS someone for everyone.

    Have you ever noticed how someone becomes more beautiful as you get to know them better? Physical attraction is important, but we fall in love with the essence of a person. I’m betting that you’re going to meet an exceptional woman one day, who falls in love with you for so many reasons other than your physical appearance. Women aren’t quite as shallow as men when it comes to these types of things.

    Keep the faith, buddy!

  26. Heather says:

    Oh LAWDY, Miss Moonie. I am so glad you wrote about this. My uncle commited suicide when things were very dark for him, and our family. My uncle couldn’t find a job was living with my grandparents. My uncle’s wife left him taking their two year old daughter and six month old son. The wife signed up for food stamps and welfare, so the county sheriff came and arrested my uncle for non-support.
    At the time my grand-dad, was only working three days per week himself, so money was tight, but he was able to bail my uncle out of jail.
    My grandparents had left that Saturday morning for the grocery store.
    When they returned from the grocery store and opened the front door, they walked through his blood.
    WHOEVER YOU ARE, IF YOU THINK THAT KILLING YOURSELF WON’T MATTER, THINK OF THE HORROR FOR WHO WILL FIND YOUR BODY.
    My grandmother went into a state of shock as did my grand-daddy. They both had to be hospitalized.
    My grandmother NEVER, NEVER, NEVER recovered from her son’s death. The most horrible part of it, was that it took her seven years to die from breast cancer.
    THE WEEK AFTER MY UNCLE’S DEATH, THE WEEK AFTER, A LETTER CAME FOR HIM WITH A JOB OFFER WITH THE STATE HIGHWAY DEPARTMENT. THE WEEK AFTER!!!!!!!!!!!
    My uncle NEVER got to see his children grow up, get married and have children of their own. HE LOST HOPE FOR A MINUTE, AND LOST OUT ON ALL OF THE GOOD THINGS THAT LIFE CAN BRING.
    After being in a car accident that destroyed a disc in my lower back, I had some dark moments myself. What pulled me through, was the thought that there were some people out there who didn’t like me, that would just be thrilled by my death. I REFUSE to give them the satisfaction.
    YOU MUST KEEP FIGHTING, YOU MUST NEVER GIVE UP.
    When you feel the darkness coming in go outside and sit in the sun. Tell yourself tomorrow will be better because IT WILL, IF YOU BELIEVE IT!!
    Suicide is NEVER the answer.

  27. teeni says:

    Every person deserves some freedom to happiness (unless they have broken laws that have made them lose this privilege). If you feel like an inordinate amount of time has gone by where you have felt no happiness or no joy, then something could be medically, emotionally, or mentally wrong. There is no shame in that -nobody is perfect. Seek help – don’t throw a precious irreplaceable life away because of feelings that are temporary and may benefit from qualified help. Some serious depressions are greatly relieved with proper nutrition and vitamins!
    Too many people don’t realize how much they mean to others. And when I say “too many people,” I mean YOU, reader. If you lack self-esteem or self-love, then you need to build up your feeling of self-worth. Never rely on someone else to do this for you, because it has to come from inside yourself to be genuine. It’s natural for everyone to crave love from others, but first you must value your own life. This isn’t to say that others don’t care for you – they DO. It’s just that in most cases, you are not outwardly showing what you need and people can’t pick up on it. But you need to realize that you, as well as everyone else, deserve happiness, have a right to it, and should pursue it. Nobody is perfect, nobody is better than you, so why should you throw YOUR life away? Even a toddler when learning to walk instinctively gets back up again after falling. Every day brings new reasons for happiness but you sometimes have to search for them. When you do, they multiply. Trust me. Try it before giving up. I took the time to write this and you could take the time to try it. It can’t hurt.

  28. Wow, how scary is it to think that people search the net about suicide. Don’t do it fella’s!

  29. Anon says:

    Brian, I appreciate your replying to my post, but I have to ask, do you see that as something that is fact or is it just wishful thinking? I know a lot of people that have told me that, and when I really ask them whether they really believe it, after they think in-depth about it they realize that it is really wishful thinking passed off as fact.

    As for the matter of physical attraction, you are right, if someone gets to know someone, and there is a rapport then the person will become more physically attractive, but it doesn’t change the fact that some people are grotesque looking. Some people just aren’t attractive, and this will always be a barrier for them. No amount of wishful thinking will change this.

  30. Here’s a comment from the bead den:

    November 8, 2008 at 7:07 pm · Edit

    I am sorry to hear that about your Father, Moon. This too, is a very touchy subject with me. When someone gets to that place in life, I wonder if there is anything that someone could say to bring them back around.

    I have tried to tell people that in time things will be completely different. That life can seem like it holds nothing in store for you. But it does. I’ve seen it. I know people who have tried it more than once and now have families of their own. Good lives. I also have lost people to this as well. I don’t know what I could say.

    Just reach out to whoever you can and know…I promise you…things will be different years from now.

    I am always reminded of a song by Alanis Morisette

  31. David says:

    This post and its year of commentary have been weighing down my mind over the past week. It’s tough to think of a good way to respond. Don’t want to just start spouting aphorisms …

    The late teens and early twenties are difficult for thoughtful boys, no matter how they look. The ones we envied seemed to have everything, strength, smarts, good looks, popularity, etc. It was so wrong. After a few decades it is revealed that it’s just not that simple.

    As handicaps go, ugliness is not even close to the worst. Not to minimize your pain, Anon, or your mom’s incredibly bittersweet remark, I have to advise against suicide. It’s wrong on so many levels. Not only does it remove any chance of improvement, it also terribly wounds your surviving family that love you.

    My brain has always gone to a “what could be worse” mode when faced with adversity. I thought nothing could be worse than my 9-year old son suddenly dying one day at school. I put him on the bus one April morning and he never came home. After a few weeks my brain came up with something worse: imagine that he just went missing! That nightmare would never end, and it happens to so many. Sudden death of a child is awful, but there is something worse … maybe that could help you to reconcile your difficulty finding desired female companionship. Maybe not.

    Beauty is not just in the eye of the beholder, but in the heart as well. What the mirror shows is not what others see, and we cannot know what others see. Your early 20s offer so many other endeavors that can take the place of your loneliness. And yet the early 20s can be so anxiety ridden too. We’re still young enough to believe that there are absolute answers to the BIG questions, and not yet old enough to realize that those questions were improperly framed from the start. It is what it is. Don’t you HATE when people say that?

    And no one can love you if you don’t love yourself. Sorry to spout these aphorisms that you’ve probably heard many times, but killing yourself will only end YOUR pain. If you don’t care about the pain that will bring to your family and friends, then maybe you don’t have the right “settings” for finding a loving relationship in the first place. It’s not easy, and it’s not what the stupid movies or novels make it into. Love is hard sometimes, and painful. Dammit. More aphorisms. Sorry.

    In conclusion, don’t kill yourself. It won’t provide what you’re looking for. It will only end the search, which is something you can do while still breathing. You might be surprised at what giving up can do.

    I’m sorry, there are no easy answers, and the world will offer you more trouble than you can possibly stand. If you cannot find someone to love, just forget about it and find some THING to love. Solitude and loneliness are not the same thing.

    Good luck.

  32. [...] SO MUCH to those of you whose excellent comments now grace the “Suicide, No Girlfriend” post. You’ve shared some thoughtful, heartfelt advice which (hopefully) will help many people [...]

  33. I have been waiting to pop over here and leave a comment about these comments, but I just can’t find the words. Thank you all so much. You’ve said so many things I’ve thought of about this subject, and so much more. I find the fact that you took the time to collect your thoughts and share them more than touching. I’m going to be quiet now. Just wanted to thank you again.

  34. Pointless says:

    Wow, I stumbled randomly on this page, but I admit I’ve searched this phrase or something similar a few times. Makes you stop and think about how many other millions of unhappy, lonely people are out there.

    >>>”I want to share some hilarious insight from one of the Queens of Comedy (available on DVD). She talked about how there is someone for everybody, no matter how they look. She said it didn’t matter if a woman was the most buck-toothed person you’d ever seen, there was someone out there that wanted a lady who could eat an apple through a picket fence.”<<<

    Yeah, cause guys will screw anything, guys are more desperate, guys are the ones who are killing themselves after breakups, women reserve their emotional attachment to their kids.
    Women, on the other hand, are programmed to be attracted to the leader of the pack, the alpha male, the guys who get all the girls anyway and consequently don’t need or have to care about any one of them.
    It’s fucked, basically.

    But that’s the way it is, that’s evolution, and that’s why we’re sad to be alone, cause its telling us that we’ve failed in the most basic way that any living organism can fail – because really, there’s no bullshit school, job, degree, pass-time or hobby that’s more important.

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that The Hungry Don’t Get Fed. The homeless guy won’t get a quarter, but you’ll give one to the rich-looking guy who’s cellphone died and doesn’t have any change. Likewise, if you’re good-looking, with a good personality and normal social development you’re going to continue having a good life. But if you’re not so good looking, and never had a girlfriend, then you’re going to stay at zero, you can’t fool anyone – and you’re only going to get older and uglier.

    So I know this post is a break from all the other ones before it, but I have to say that I respect the people who have actually gone through with it. Say what you want, but it’s not easy, and they have a lot more balls than us pathetic people who are still just typing crap into Google.

    Wow, Pointless, what happened? This is just so sad. I hope that you start to realize that there are many people out there who feed the hungry, give to the homeless, and date guys with imperfections. Bitterness however, makes a horrible aphrodisiac, and misplaced rage can make even the most attractive person ugly. Good luck to you.

  35. Dan says:

    David, I’m really sorry to hear about your son. I have no idea what that would be like, and there’s no way I would ever compare my pain to yours.

    I like what people have posted so far, but I’m questioning if this thread is the right place for me. I’m not actually suicidal, just very frustrated with my current situation.

    Pointless, I used to think exactly like you do. I believed women were only attracted to alpha male bad-asses, and I was just too much of a “nice guy.” But you know what? I’ve met plenty of “nice guys” lately who have attractive girlfriends. Guys who are skinnier than me, less outgoing, less confident, less masculine. Guys who don’t make any more money than I do. Guys who basically have nothing I don’t. That’s why it mindfucks the shit out of me that I keep getting rejected! I have a busy, interesting life, I’m outgoing and make people laugh, I have hobbies I enjoy and a lot of friends, and I’m certainly not ugly.

    I don’t ask “what’s wrong with me” anymore.
    I ask “what’s wrong with THEM?”

    Somehow, reading your comment to David put things into a different perspective for me this morning. Being girlfriendless/ boyfriendless is not necessarily the worst thing that could happen to a person, is it? That being said, it sounds like you’ve had a really healthy attitude adjustment. Not that there’s necessarily something wrong with either you or “them,” it’s just that it’s probably better to view it as being their loss. :)

  36. Dan says:

    “Not that there’s necessarily something wrong with either you or “them,” it’s just that it’s probably better to view it as being their loss.”

    Yeah, that’s probably a better / fairer way of putting it.

    In regards to your comments to Pointless, I can understand why he thinks the way he does. Sometimes it really does seem like only the macho jocks have any luck. But my personal view is that evolution is NOT the sole driving force behind human behaviour. We are NOT dumb beasts who just do what our genes tell us to do. Maybe we were in primitive times – and some of that old programming probably has stayed with us – but we aren’t anymore.

    I know plenty of people who give money to charity, who go out of their way to help others. Is it in their own best interests? Not usually. Evolutionists tell us that the most selfish genes survive, and that it’s survival of the strongest out there. But the flip side to evolution is that the human race is also evolving to be more compassionate. Over time we’ve realized the importance of granting basic human rights to women, to ethnic minorities, to other groups who have traditionally been denied them. These days, gay rights and even animal rights are oft-debated topics. We may have a long way to go before we reach a utopian society or even an equal one, but our conception of morality has certainly changed over time.

    Science tells me that, since I’m a man, I should be a raging hormone machine seeking to impregnate the youngest, most beautiful women I can find. But sometimes a quiet girl with glasses will intrigue me so much with her intelligence that I’ll walk straight past a Pamela Anderson look-a-like to get to her. Would I be doing that if I was simply a slave to biology?

    People who are compassionate, open-minded and thoughtful have always been more interesting to me than meatheads and bimbos who live by neanderthal instinct. Maybe Pointless just needs to find someone more highly evolved.

    Dan, you should have a blog of your own. Really– great thoughts here, and you express them very well.

    I think the major difference between your comments and Pointless’s is probably the best example of what many women find attractive. Blaming the world and the oh-whoa-is-me-ain’t-it-awful thing does not make people say, “Wow! I’d really like to get to know him better!” Intelligence, rational thinking and a positive attitude probably work more to your advantage.

    We’ve all heard the assumptions that all men are “raging hormone machines” and all women are all gold diggers, and while that’s true of some, we sell ourselves (and them) short by believing that the entire dating universe is that way. Almost anyone over thirty can tell you about how much more attractive some people become as you get to know them. Many will tell you about how they used to go for the bad boys, but as they matured, they gravitated toward the good ones.

    After I read Anon’s comments, I Googled the term “ugly guys with pretty girls” and 404,000 hits came up, many of them asking the question, “Why do so many girls date ugly guys?” Apparently, there are macho neanderthal guys lamenting their situations too.

    The point is, that a lot of this has to do with how you look at things, how you see yourself, others and the world. I’m struck by the differences in attitudes in some of these comments.

    But the flip side to evolution is that the human race is also evolving to be more compassionate.

    I hope you’re right.

  37. Little Miss says:

    Jumping in a bit here on the comments by Dan, Pointless and MB…about what attracts women.

    MB said: Blaming the world and the oh-whoa-is-me-ain’t-it-awful thing does not make people say, “Wow! I’d really like to get to know him better!” Intelligence, rational thinking and a positive attitude probably work more to your advantage.

    This is *precisely* why I recently broke up with a handsome, successful (as in made a LOT of money) ex-jock guy. None of that mattered. What mattered was he had an attitude of the world always screws you and had a victim mentality centered in fear and he manufactured drama, and was completely self-absorbed. He never once asked me about me and my history – not once. Once when it was my turn to talk, he turned on the car radio! WTF?

    I’m an attractive, healthy (emotionally and physically), successful and independent woman – many tell me I have my act together. A man’s confidence in himself (not to be confused with ego), his sense of security (as opposed to mammoth insecurity) and lack of fear is hugely attractive to me, as is his sense of humor, his positive attitude and his compassion toward animals and humans (especially women and children) goes a lot further toward making him attractive than does his physical appearance.

    Just my two cents. :)

    Wow—this discussion is (and has always been) so interesting. Your two cents are worth at least $29 here. I’m so glad you broke up with that guy, and that you know what you’re looking for. It’s funny– I was going over in my head what makes a man attractive to me, and our lists are almost identical. Compassion, ethics, self-confidence and a sense of humor are all fantastic traits in any person. Oh, and good hygiene. For some reason, I really like guys who bathe.

  38. Pointless says:

    “Many will tell you about how they used to go for the bad boys, but as they matured, they gravitated toward the good ones. ”
    Yeah, where Dan’s social development comes through – older women have to worry about someone supporting them and their kids, something that human society made up. But they’ll still want the bad-boy on the side. As interesting as this is, I never intended for it to be a debate about human evolution…

    I also don’t know where the whole cliche nice guy vs jerk thing came from, I never mentioned it – I simply stated that good things come to those that don’t need them. Girls want the guy who already gets laid, not the single, available dude that can’t get a date. My male (or perhaps loser) instincts might become enamored with a needy girl, but a guy behaving that way would be considered a disgusting turn-off.

    LM, that’s an interesting story. But if he’s really successful and handsome and alpha, then I think he’ll have a new girl before too long. If he didn’t have these qualities, and he suffered a breakup, think about how screwed he would be. All in all, I’d rather be the self-absorbed guy. If he’d have been clingy you would never have been with him in the first place.

    And finally about looks – I know they’re not the end-all-be-all, but man, try it without them. It’s what gets you attention, its what my female friends notice when they giggle about this or that cute guy at the bar, its how people form an opinion of you before you even open your mouth.

    So getting back to the title of this page, you can talk about personality and security and confidence, blah blah – but if you developed without the looks and without the social upbringing, then where would these qualities come from? Good looking guys have it to them that girls hit on THEM, which makes them a lot less needy. The rest of us have to make the move ourselves. That’s one thing I envy about women – they get to stand around and act as choosers while guys make their attempts, with the inevitable rejections that come with them. And depending on your history of rejection vs acceptance, it shapes your psyche and your personality and your outlook on life – to the point where you can end up one of those typing in “suicide, no girlfriend” into Google.

  39. Dan says:

    Okay, just one more thing before I disappear from this thread for good:

    Does anyone have any idea what guys like Pointless and I are doing wrong?

    Because I need to find out what’s putting women off about me and FIX IT.

    Saying “Don’t commit suicide” is great advice. But I haven’t. I’m still here, with the same problem as before. Now what?

    I’m not content to believe “the right girl will come along” anymore. She hasn’t. I’ve only had one real relationship and I’m pushing 25. Nobody has that much bad luck, there must be something I’m not doing right!

    I don’t believe “it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen” either. I’m an atheist. I don’t believe anything is EVER “meant” to happen.

    And please, please, please no advice about “getting out of the house and getting some hobbies.” I have a jam-packed life with LOTS of hobbies where I meet interesting women constantly. It’s just that none of them like me! If you examined my love life, you’d think I sat at home playing fucking computer games all day.

    IT HAS TO STOP. I can’t take the feelings of loneliness, the disappointments, the nightmares. I can’t take feeling like half a person any longer. For the sake of my sanity, it’s time to get this area of my life handled.

    Any ideas?

  40. why??? says:

    It’s easy for one to say “Don’t do it”
    Life is a fowl game, take me for example, home schooled my entire life, absolutely no social interaction my whole childhood, I’m now 20 moved out because I was tiring of living with my damn parents, I can’t even muster up enough courage to talk to a female let alone find a companion to help ease the pain, to make matters worse I was raised with a strong religious background- the belief that suicide is a one way trip to hell, this makes matters worse because I want to end my life so bad and yet I cannot do it,
    I do find that the religious belief that I hold is wearing thin day by day as I am dished a fresh plate of shit daily, just the other day I was rear ended by a fucking old hag, I got a ticket and 2 points to my license.

    Those of you who don’t have such religious beliefs, I implore you, for your own sake why bother posting online about how bad your life is and just do it already, otherwise grow up!
    Life is a sick, sick game, either play it or go jump off a very tall building!!!

    Hobbies are only a temporary fix, once you grow old of your hobby you will be short the cash you had and will be even worse off.

    FUCK LIFE, FUCK ME, FUCK EVERYONE!

  41. Anon says:

    Alright, I have sat back and observed this topic for a while. I’m going to give my input on the more recent posts.

    “After I read Anon’s comments, I Googled the term “ugly guys with pretty girls” and 404,000 hits came up, many of them asking the question, “Why do so many girls date ugly guys?” Apparently, there are macho neanderthal guys lamenting their situations too. ”

    I am sure there are, but which situation do you think is more numerous, the macho guys alone on Saturday nights, or ugly guys alone on Saturday nights? What you just mentioned, is true, there are a lot of pretty women going out with ugly guys, but there are compensating factors such as status and money at work here in addition to the fact that sometimes these relationships aren’t relationships in the full sense of the word. I have heard a lot about guys that might get married to a pretty woman but not actually have a real relationship with her.

    “This is *precisely* why I recently broke up with a handsome, successful (as in made a LOT of money) ex-jock guy. None of that mattered. What mattered was he had an attitude of the world always screws you and had a victim mentality centered in fear and he manufactured drama, and was completely self-absorbed. He never once asked me about me and my history – not once. Once when it was my turn to talk, he turned on the car radio! WTF? ”

    How much of a problem do you think he had finding another girlfriend? If experience serves me correct, and you have been completely honest about the situation, I find it hard to believe he was needy for long.

    Gentlemen (this is more directed towards Dan and Pointless and others who are in similar situations) I am going to try an experiment, and I urge you to at least prod around the actions I am describing here a little bit and see what you think. A while back I was sitting with some friends, and this one girl that I liked sat beside me (there were no others seats before someone insinuates that she already liked me) with my friends on the couch opposite to me. We began joking about things, and somehow; and for some reason, I kept making slight remarks about her. It started small but as time went on my snarky comments became more and more direct, to the amusement of our mutual friends. Looking back I am a little bit unsettled that I could say things like that to someone. After about forty minutes of this she ended up asking me to go for a walk, and we ended going to a band practice room on the university (it was probably 1 in the morning) and we just talked for a while before we went back to my room for a little longer. I am almost certain that something could have come of it if I had wanted it to.

    After that night I realized, I always seemed to have the best chances of going out with someone when I stopped trying to be decent, thoughtful and friendly towards everyone and instead acted outspoken and spoke bluntly but with wit. Keeping this in mind, when I return back to my university, I intend to mess around with this a bit and see what happens. Basically what I’m going to do is find girls that I have been acquainted with through friends and the next time we are both sitting with mutual friends patronize them and tell veiled jokes about them and see what happens. I don’t like the idea of doing this much, it is quite distasteful. However, I don’t especially like the prospect of dying a virgin because I felt guilty about treating these needy and callous people meanly.

    Either way though, the end result of this is that I intend to try to detach myself emotionally from the opinions of other people. If I am right about this idea, I can go along with it very easily, if I am wrong, then I am hopeless and it is probably for the best that I isolate myself from the want of things I can’t have, and concentrate on my career.

  42. Little Miss says:

    I haven’t followed all this thread, and it’s morphed from its original discussion, but I’ll just answer a question pointed my way twice after my comment about the ex. Um, he told me he was successful and made a lot of money. I had no proof of that. He obviously didn’t move on right away because he stalked me for a month until I made it perfectly clear I wanted no contact with him, not even “as friends”. And… by self-absorbed, I never meant someone who took care of himself. I meant someone whose only focus was himself, and he WAS clingy. His only interest in me was how it enhanced HIS life. Conversations were always about him, his interests, his crap, his drama. A healthy relationship has a balanced mix of give and take and interest in the other person and their needs, interests, and wants.

    As for the younger generation – I have no idea what to tell you. I know if a guy sat next to me and became gradually snarky and insulting, the last thing I’d do is follow him home. But then, I’m 20 years plus older than I suspect that poster was.

    And MB – I do like that they bathe too. Very important.

  43. Dan says:

    Anon: What you’re describing sounds very similar to a technique called ‘cocky / funny”, popularized by David DeAngelo and others. The basic gist is that if you bust on a woman and make jokes in a playful way, she sees you as confident, a challenge, fun, non-needy etc. It does caution against outright meanness though, and emphasizes being playful rather than cruel.

    I personally think I do cocky / funny pretty well. But then, like I said, I’ve met a lot of “nice guys” who have attractive girlfriends, so I’m still generally clueless about what my particular Achilles Heel is. Somehow it seems I can get somebody interested in me until I ask them out. Then they lose interest. Or sometimes they go on one date with me and lose interest. Some people say I just haven’t found the right girl yet. I hope they’re right. I don’t believe there’s any “right” girl in a happily ever after Disney sort of way (I’m an atheist and don’t believe in destiny), but I do sometimes think that I haven’t yet met someone I really click with.

  44. Dan says:

    By the way, Anon, I will join you in your experiment. From now on I’m going to stop acting like Mr. Nice Guy and instead act cocky / funny, challenge girls and generally behave like I’m the prize and I couldn’t care less what they think. It may not work but hey – nothing else has worked so far, and I can hardly get worse results than I’m currently getting. I’m not going to become a horrible person, but I am going to be flirtatious in a cocky way. Let’s keep each other posted on how this experiment goes.

  45. Anon says:

    Hey, good luck Dan. Just remember, so long as it doesn’t effect your health your career or your closest friends, you have nothing to lose and can do whatever you want. I’m looking forward to beginning this soon.

  46. Jay says:

    Hello everyone. This is my story.

    Sometimes I just lose it and feel like I don’t wanna live anymore, after all, I think that life is pointless and has no purpose.
    If there was an award for the greatest loser, I would probably win it. I’m an 18 year old guy, turning 19 very soon. Anti-social, never had any friends, goes to work, goes to school, and comes back home to play video games. This isn’t just something recent, this has been my whole life, I’ve been the same way my entire life.

    I’m an atheist, misanthrope, nihilist, and becoming particularly misogynistic. I think I’m probably a sociopath/psychopath, in addition I probably have many more mental disorders. I probably have major depression, probably have had it for years.
    Sometimes I feel rather “good” that I am this way, I think it’s great that I have no friends, no girlfriend, etc. But sometimes, I feel the exact opposite way, and I become much more depressed than usual. When I’m in this stage, I feel like crying.

    I stalk people on facebook and myspace, people that I know from school and watch their lives, they seem so happy, they seem to be enjoying life, and I think to myself, “damn, I’m just an incredible loser, with no friends, socially inept, no social life, who is a fucking hermit.” I see guys with pretty girlfriends and this makes me exceedingly jealous and angry. Sometimes I say to myself, “Haha look at those fools…” but sometimes, I kinda wish my life was more like theirs, and perhaps more importantly, I was more like them.

    Often, I think that I’ve wasted my whole life, doing…nothing. I’ve never talked, touched, kissed, hugged, a woman in my life besides my mother and sister. I don’t like to talk much, except about things that interest me. I don’t like talking to my parents, at home I just stay locked in my room the whole day and play video games from morning to night. At the end of most days I feel so shitty, I say to myself, omfg why do I do this? Why am I wasting my life this way? But there really isn’t anything I can do. I’m not gonna change, no one is gonna change me, no one can change me.

    The “best” years of my life have passed. All those guys in high school got pretty, virgin girlfriends whom they had sex with, and I will never be able to experience that. I think all women are sluts and bitches, worthless pieces of shit. Sometimes some women seem to be different, seem to be nice, and peaceful, but that’s a false image, I don’t have to let that deceive me. My eyes are void of any emotion. I masturbate everyday, been doing it almost every single day since I was 10 years old. I truly have no life. I’m a fucking parasite. Online games and the internet is the only place where I interact with people.

    I am twisted, boring, selfish, insecure, + (Insert more defects here)
    Let’s put everything aside for a second, and lets say I was able to get a girlfriend. She would leave me in a flash, since I am boring, I don’t talk much, I am anti-social, I don’t know how to kiss, how to hug, how to act around a woman in general.

    Can’t think of anything else to say at the moment.
    I’m not looking for you sympathy, I just wanna let everything out, I’ve hold it up for way too long.

  47. Anon says:

    Jay, I would never insult you by offering my sympathy, but I can give you advice and personal insight from my own experiences. If you are interested post your e-mail.

  48. Jay says:

    Hi there Anon, yes I would like to hear from your insights and experiences, I’m open for anything. My e-mail is jff@inbox.com

    I also forgot to say that I don’t want a girlfriend just as my sexual object, I would like to find a good woman, a woman who I can talk with, that listens to me, accepts me for who I am, likes me the way I am, a girl who I can have fun with. But why the hell am I saying all this crap? This would only happen in a dream.
    I consider myself a “good” person, a nice guy, although there’s a restrained dark side of me.

  49. to153 says:

    I hate my life no girlfriend,no love, so empty. I recentely fell in love with a married women. She left me for her wealthier but abusive husband. I get so lonely I pay for sex @ brothels(legal in Australia). I am addicted to sex, no, all I want is love, I dont know why i pay for sex. Its impossible to pay for love. I’m believe in LOVE less, most women just take from me. My soul and conscience have been depleted and stripped bear.

    I just cant seem to find myself a decent girl. I have dated strippers, pregnant women and married women. I am a uni educated, good looking tall fit guy. I’m just so deeply unhappy. I lost my virginity @ 19 to a protitute now 22. And since then Ive spend 10,000 dollars on sex.

    Its scarey I searched “suicide no girlfriend” on google and arrived here.

    Its weird I’m not unhappy b/c I feel bad. b/c I dont i have a conscience I BELIEVE, I feel unhappy b/c I(Me) AM UNHAPPY. i AM SELFISH. I only think about myself. I FAKE compassion with other people but inside I feel nothing.

    I dont blame GOD for not coming into my life.

    And it’s been the ruin of many a poor boy
    And God I know I’m one

  50. to153 says:

    Oh mother tell your children
    Not to do what I have done
    Spend your lives in sin and misery
    In the House of the Rising Sun

  51. to153 says:

    and once I had a decent girl. But she could not sexually satisfy me. I dumped her. My relationship with the married women was very sexual and sleazy. But I felt a deeper connection to her. She later told me she felt noting, although she said i gave her the best sex of her life. She said she did not feel the same emotional connection.

    When I was with her and inside her is the only time I have ever empathised with anybody. We were one person!

    U guys prob think I’m a FREAK but i am from a wealthy, christian family, no history of abuse, reakky good life. WHY AM I SO FUCKED UP?

  52. Darc says:

    Actually… I typed in “No Girlfriend Depression” and I got your blog at the top hit! Great job with the SEO man!

    But no, I’m not suicidal, I’m just depressed because I have no girlfriend at the moment…. Actually I haven’t had a girlfriend since 2006. I have however, been dating, but none of these girls I’ve dated ever seem to like me…

    Getting a girlfriend is not about looks… I have looks, but I probably don’t have the right personality… I do have personality, but most women think I’m a bit “too mysterious”, as many of them seem to believe. What can I do? I’m extremely handsome, but “too mysterious”, according to many women I’ve dated.

    Now I still have no girlfriend and I am depressed…

    Suicide is not the answer I’m looking for. The world may have no rhyme or reason with the exception of this constant longing and sadness in my heart. Women have made me cold and indifferent to either life or death. I could not care less if I died, but I know I have no choice except to live.

    I don’t seem closer to reaching my goal of finding the love of my life. There is no joy in my life. There is no apparent light at the end of the tunnel and I am forever consumed in the darkness of loneliness, yet I will not give up and my heart will just simply suffer in silence until I die. I’m here regardless of whether or not I want to be. The grass always seems greener on the other side. I see happy couples all the time and I’m bitter as hell about it! Life sucks when you’re lonely, but what can you do? It seems like I’ll be walking this world alone until the death comes looking for me.

  53. Darc says:

    I just started reading through these posts and Jay, I can honestly say that I can relate to you. I’m 26 now, but I remember my high school years quite vividly. I was a bit like you, anti-social, hateful, psychotic; you name it. Have I changed? Yes and No. I still believe that eternal hatred is the fuel of life… If anyone ever uses this quote, remember to give me credit for it! I came up with this phrase on 11.06.2007!!!! And it was published today on 02.27.2008 at 10:22 EST! (I did my copywrite research!)

    Anyway, back on topic; you’ll grow out of it. You’ll learn to act and you’ll learn how to pretend. Life is just a masquerade (and no I didn’t make that one up). Once you learn how to act, you’ll be getting girls in no time….

    Fuck life… Live it and be content, because there is no such thing as happiness; it’s just a state of mind… The entire world may very well be consumed in flames before I find a mutual lover. My soul mate (if you believe in that shit) was never meant to be mine in this life. All things die with the passing of time, so there is no point to this world regardless. Hang in there! Nothing in this world lasts forever and death will come for you whether you want it or not!

  54. Enc says:

    I searched precisely with those words and found this blog. I’m 21 and I’ve never had a girlfriend and because of that I’ve been very depressed for a long time. Earlier I thought my lack of gf was caused by lack of trying. Then I started to hang out in student parties at my campus, but the situation didn’t change at all. No matter what I’ve tried I can’t get the hang of being with women. Sometimes when I’m drunk I can encourage myself to go and talk to some girl, but I can’t think of anything to say and situation turns awkward until either one of us leaves. Actually talking to any strange persons is very hard to me since I’m not very talkative person.

    Actually I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me not getting girlfriend, but my first guess would be my lack of some basic social skills like how to get to know a person or what should I say to a person I don’t know or when it is appropriate to actually ask someone if she wants to go out with me or something like that. I’m not that good looking (but not butt-ugly either), but I don’t think that’s the problem.

    Anyway this is killing me and I don’t see how the situation could change. I know I couldn’t ever commit a suicide, but I just tried to this search on google just to see if I could find any peer support :).

  55. essayl says:

    for me hope and fear is what keeps me surviving or simply i would be dead u know what i mean. you see i believe in life after this this awful life where there is a different female creation called the hurs. now i believe that is where i will finally meet my sweetheart.

  56. Tony says:

    I’m in my late 20′s and I never had a girlfriend. I see my roommates and they get a different girl each week, even through they already had a girlfriend. I feel quite pathetic as I can’t even get one. No girl seems to find me to be interesting. I searched these words to see if I can find some hope or motivation to keep going. Suicide is attempting is nothing ever happens in your life.

  57. Neal says:

    Everything is luck. You never ever asked for the inferior recessive genes that you are born with. You never had any control of the environment you grew up in. So are you just a mathematically calculated outcome of a set of circumstances? There are simple minded people of both sexes. The dumb jocks on the male side, and the money driven bitches on the females side. Where are the real people? All you see is phony people everywhere you go.

  58. johndoe says:

    Interesting thread. I feel like contributing…. I’ve thought about it myself, suicide, and a number of the other things mentioned above. The primary reason I don’t is because it would upset my parents, and they have enough problems; it would a selfish thing to do on my part. It’s very frustrating though, being stuck like this. I can’t do it because of them, so I have to live with it. It’s been on my mind since I was 14; I’m 29 now, still no relationship with a woman. It saddens me when I think back over the last 15 years, the time that’s been wasted and the experiences I’ve missed out on. I honestly can’t think of anything that’s made me genuinely happy in that time, as when I’m not focused on work I’m consumed by this. This has led (on occasion) to me working 90 hour weeks to distract myself. I won’t tell you about how much money I’ve wasted on dating websites and such. I’ve tried the usual confidence boosters like exercise and developing other vague hobbies or interests.
    Sometimes it feels a bit like a prison sentence (at least that’s how I imagine it), time ticking away, wondering when/if I get out and how old I’ll be. I don’t hate women because of it (some people have brought this up), the only thing that’s the same in all the situations I’ve been in is me, so obviously I am the problem.
    Recently I’ve started feeling discomfort in my chest, sometimes accompanied by numbness in my left arm; it comes and goes. I’ve imagined it as a way out, a possible cardiac problem that I can quietly allow to worsen until it proves fatal. That way it’s technically not suicide. Or, it could just be temporary and stress-related, I have no idea.
    I don’t believe in god or fate, or that the world is somehow aligned for my benefit, that would be childish. I spend a lot of time thinking about science, religion and the nature of things. In spite of what I know/believe, I still feel bitterness, and anger or dejection at different times, mainly jealousy at other people who have more luck. Obviously these are things I’m working to suppress (for the moment) as I realize they’re not attractive qualities in a person. I’m a poor liar, so it’s difficult to conceal though.
    I don’t need any replies or words of encouragement, etc, as I won’t be checking back at this page again. That’s all I want to say. Thanks.

  59. Pointless says:

    Darc, if you are truly good looking, I find it hard to believe you have problems with women. Looks are one of the most important things to leading a happy life and being successful with relationships.

    Either you come off as extremely creepy, or are simply socially retarded…. either way you are wasting a gift and I would switch places with you in an instant. /

  60. STDs says:

    Been reading the comments. Most of these experiences ring true for me, and like myself I did not realize that this has become a national phenomenon happening to scores of males across the country.

    The reality is that you guys are living out the disenfranchisement that women are creating deliberately. The more money and economic opportunities that are given to women in the working world the more their preferences for the perfect athletic guy gets echoed across all age ranges of females. What some of you younger guys don’t realize is that the picky princesses that you are dealing with now in college or high school remain the same into their 40′s. They don’t change, they merely get more money to demand that their boyfriends look like studs. Trust me, all that women want when they are free of societal pressures is looks. The metrosexual phenomenon are merely males who understand that women are purchasing highly refined looks from their mates, and are attempting to compensate for their lack of most other skills.

    You also will have a harder time getting jobs in the first place as many older males realize that females are more appealing to customers in a sales based economy. Think of it this way, all of the jobs that once went to younger males are now being given to air headed females who treat the job market like they’re looking for a boyfriend. Attractive women literally have little to no fear of losing their job and even if they do tons of other establishments headed by horny managers will hire them in a split second. They know this. What this means is that the deck gets stacked against younger men looking to up their status against a female’s. But this is just in the job market, and most likely many of you males don’t see the correlation between your present predicament in high school or college and a situation that occurs in the future. However if you look into the past you will see that this was not always the case. For a male at the turn of the 19th century, having a job meant having sex.

    Women have essentially lost respect for the concept of a job as a status symbol, because they can get it readily. Take a look at the most desirable females, those in the 16-21 year old category don’t give a flying f#$@ if a guy has a job. They only care if the guy has a body, nice clothes and has other girls pining for him. Nowadays with women getting more access in an economy – headed by older males – they no longer have to accept any compromises in looking for a mate. Now they can indulge their cravings for athletes to the fullest extent and reject millions of men in the process. You all are the living symptoms of the female penchant for status.

    This also means that the sexual arms race is getting more intense, because as women get more money they also take it for granted more. This means that males who can compensate for their lack of looks by earning loads of money must work ever so harder as more and more females are given jobs which give them the ability to hunt for the sexually perfect men, or look for sperm donors.

    This freedom given to attractive women, because honestly those are the only ones anyone longs for, is creating an ever widening gulf of angry, bitter, lonely men who live through their video games. As attractive females exclude the wildest sexual adventures to a handful of rich, spoiled or otherwise pampered pretty boys the rest of the bunch, you, are treated as sewage waste. The miseries that you are experiencing are given insult to injury when these beautiful females and blessed males write off your pain as being good for society. That you, being denied the peaks of pleasure, status and power merely serve to act as a comparison for everything that the pretty female should avoid and how much more the good-looking male should receive. This is not even a case of machoism being heavily favored by females. No. Women are going for appearances like feckless little children. This is evidenced by how happily women would leap into bed with bisexual or gay men all DUE TO THEIR APPEARANCE!

    Women are ignoring the behavioral aspects of the males because they have the ability to do so. Traditional concepts of male superiority based on testosterone are being stomped on by women who reveal a craving for looks alone. The pride of the heterosexual man in capturing women is now being challenged by the fact that males no longer have vast control over money, and thus males can barely impress other males to be included in a money earning circle. Traditional ideas of manhood were really based on the ability of one man to appear fit for a group of other men to make money, which would then be used to purchase women through marriage. Now that money is going to females, those traditions are revealed as being artificial to a woman’s desire. Women never have really cared about the man’s sexual history only that he appear fit for her. So women, as they often do, are making a farce of the heterosexual man’s pride in acquiring her by giving herself to males who simply have nice paper wrapping.

    Bisexual men are less likely to have domineering male attributes, but women don’t care so long as the male gives the appearance of polished muscularity. Take a look at the latest male sensations found in Twilight, the male is essentially a moody, thin good-looking bisexual who despite his taste for the “other” side of life the female is enchanted by him anyway. This sort of male would never persist in the past since he lacks the attributes of a defender. But he exists now as women are indulging in the freedoms and protection by lower tier males so they can choose a male with lofty ornamentation. Women are leaving the protectors behind and reproducing (and giving love and self esteem) with males who look nice but have few competitive skills. These skills are not missed either because the males with the right packaging find that they don’t need to use their brain or even enforce their point of view since the gold of society is placed before their feet. With all that treasure they do whatever they want, including experiment with other men. A good example of this was James Dean. He was a pretty bisexual who simply had an appearance that women wanted, all that easy sex lead to a demeanor of aloofness that simply was incorporated into his charm.

    Attractive (white) women are pursuing looks with a passion never seen before. You all are the males who are deemed unfit for human evolution by these females. As women take control of the society they, like Amazons, reserve a few choice men to breed with and leave the rest to the elements.

    What this means is that men with the traditional masculine behavior but low in looks have been forced into the outskirts of the dating sphere. What makes the event even more depressing is that the females could easily alleviate most men of this melancholy by sleeping with them. It doesn’t take much, and in addition the female will not really loose as much status as the demonized male gains. Since, after all, she is sleeping with her quality men at the same rate as a prostitute in this modern society. So where is the harm in including others? Sex is a virtual state of ego. An ugly man given a minute or two with a beautiful female can soothe his rancor for months. But women are not considering this and put their ridiculous fantasies before reality creating a potboiler of frustration for everyone.

    America, with its wonderland of gadgets is becoming a factory for psychopaths. As more and more beautiful women reserve themselves for fewer and fewer oiled males the rest of the society will merely increase in jealousy, envy and eventually hostility. Women are ignoring their prime purpose to ease a male’s ego building years with sex. This event was handled in the past with heavily enforced marriages at a young age, the ultimate downside to this procedure is that humans cannot settle for a single sexual conquest, leading to secret dalliances. Now with women getting access to capital they are giving the supply of sex to the chosen few.

    The most chilling and devastating effect of this imbalance is still in motion. Women will eventually use their position to give breeding rights exclusively to these pretty boys and expect everyone else to be happy with it. Women are willing to share chosen partners, as can be seen with the hidden sex networks that link nearly every beautiful woman with a handful of males. Even the lack of available pretty boy males is no longer an obstacle as women can now pay for sperm donors. At its peak women will eschew marriage but leave it as a last resort to get some desperate male (you) to raise another male’s children. This is the horrible culmination of the female’s freedom, they will force the sex-starved men to raise their chosen male’s children in a nightmare of cuckoldry. This is why women in today’s era often choose to live as spinsters, they are afraid of choosing a low tier male and would rather live in solitude than be associated with a poor choice. Spinsters have always existed, but the difference between a spinster today and one of yesteryear is that the modern spinster often is gripped by the fact that she spent her years of youth pinning for a male with good looks who no longer wants her, and is simply ignoring men with average incomes because she makes an equivalent amount.

    The happiest of all humans are the ones who are able to choose whoever they want to have sex with at any given moment. Sex is the main component and driver of our society. Everything else represents a cushioning or reflection on this drive. Those who are freely given the options of exciting sex are the happiest and most justifiably self-centered members of our society. Women are the ones who control this gateway. Definitely the males who have this ability to attract females have little if any concept of restriction, they are also free of want, free of nearly all worry and have few emotional experiences save for constant spikes of sexual pleasure and the evaluation of other’s experiences through mass media such as movies and tv shows. In a strange way these chosen few men have the same demeanor of the women that they frequent.

    All of this disenfranchisement on the part of the castigated male will head the society down the path of anger, terror and revenge. Males will no longer accept being placed on the sidelines by females who garnish a chosen few at the expense of everyone else. The average male will no longer accept being displaced by finicky and spoilt females who give the effects of sexual status, trophies that are supremely important to competitive heterosexual males, to pretty-faced or muscular males who take it all for granted or use it to justify insanity. This unfairness will erupt like sticks of dynamite in a mineshaft. At that point the freedoms that women have exercised to the detriment of masses of males will quickly be repealed. New restrictions on female choices will be put into place. But the followup to that event will be filled with grave upheaval and tremendous mercilessness as the years of pent up sexual frustration will erupt on the unwitting public on a scale akin to a nationwide school shooting. Men en mass will attack the very police state women have relied upon to protect them from rape. This same police state will also be seen as the long standing barrier keeping men from being able to collect and imprison women for themselves. As women have used the benefits of the society to gift a few men with the joys of sexual heaven, the masses of other men will see this very society as a con. Foundations will crack, walls will crumble, and vehicles will burn in torrents of dissatisfaction, misery and resentment.

    A version of this is already beginning in France as we can see the minority underclass there lash out against a society that to them feels like a world of empty promises. Notice, that it is predominantly the minority males who burn cars and riot. The minority females do not act on their feelings of resentment, simply because it is not as strong. The females are more welcomed and probably less excited about the sexual fruits of France. The males on the other hand probably feel extremely disappointed that the images of villas, cars and especially attractive white women found on tv are not truly available to them. They mention money and access to jobs as being the reason they despise the french middle class. But many of them have access to money such as found in the welfare system. The females do not seem to be complaining. In addition many minorities have simply pooled together their money to found businesses and go to school. Welfare areas have stores, reataurants and such run by immigrants. But this appears to matter little in the eyes of most of the males. No the lack of mobility to the best females is the main culprit. Much like the Chris Rock joke that the school outcasts of Columbine felt that they had no friends, when in fact there were six of them “Six of them? That’s 3 on 3 basketball!” No it is the lack of access to high social status and the many females that reserve themselves for that echelon, that griped those males. They probably had access to some females but access to pig-like or retarded females is no substitute. To the minority males of France this represents the ultimate slap in the face of the male ego, to be welcomed into the country, work like all other males yet be treated as undeserving of the best females – by the best females. The French people probably don’t do it deliberately, they do not want people to suffer, that is why the refugees were invited into the country. But the siren call of sex tells the classically French females to find the males with the most power or best aesthetic and the minority class probably has few incentives for them. Thus the mechanism for envy, jealousy and hatred is wheeled into place as the French middle class female, who is given make-work employment by a generous social system, explores her lust for movie stars.

    With modern technology men will begin to demand that it be used to graft their lives with guaranteed beauties. Beautiful young white women – the women with the highest average sexiness – will no longer be allowed to exclude themselves to a needle point of males at the expense of all others. They will become pleasure commodities, exchanged like cattle between men hungry for fresh women. This will especially be the case with new technologies that reinforce health and allow humans to be bred in artificial wombs. No longer will females be able to control the destiny of human evolution and make rejected males pay in spades of heartache. Now males can order females bred and born for their own devices. Also new rules that impose that each female give birth to female twins can assist in tilting the sex ratio and thus add more females for men to share. Minority females can be given monetary incentives to be seeded with white female twins as well, thus creating an endless supply of future sex objects. In addition new legislation that forces the American society to produce a high number of females with monitoring technology will encourage the feckless females to have sex like a porn star. In this new society men will never go without the highs of sexual self esteem and women will be beautiful repositories of male pride – as they were designed. This is the balance we all are looking for, including the females. Because right now everyone is miserable save for a handful of gilded males.

  61. bcann says:

    I assume that it is a woman who made this post which shows she has no idea what she is talking about. People who want you to live, want it for them. They will be sad and care neither care for your pain. You could be a veggie and have tubes in you but as long as your alive right? I have discussed it with my parents and while they do disagree they understand my position.

    Too bad my car accident didn’t kill me.

    I’m going through the “no girlfriend suicide” and yes I’m pro suicide. It is easy for people who haven’t gone through it to boast. Believe me it something becomes too much, it becomes too much, and even your will want to end it (whatever it maybe). For those who think otherwise, I pray it happens to you.

    I typed it too see how many guys there are like me and there are a lot. They say the reason is for men committing suicide is that they “don’t express their feelings enough and hold it in,” this is bullshit. Rambling on and on about feelings doesn’t solve your pain. We try to deal with it because we try to move on and make best of the future.

    Do you have any idea on how, lets say, TAXING, to the male body of not have a woman in your life? Do you know how much sperm a male produces per day? Who wants to live to see how the story ends when they have been miserable for years upon years. Men biological need sex. Masturbation does “ease” it but it can only do so much for so long. It is possible for them not to have it but they build up sexual frustration–something that can cause lots of problems both physical and emotional later on.

    Men need sex for bonding and relieving of stress (both from the groin area and from life). I bet you didn’t know that. Yes men develop actual PHYSICAL stress around the pubic area if the don’t “relieve” themselves. Men believe love is through sex. A woman is helping him in ways she doesn’t even imagine. A women believe romance and love leads to sex. Meaning love is how they feel with a man (ie him giving them materialistic stuff).

    Not to mention how lonely my life is. How I want a companion in my life to share. How impossible women can be. How to deal with all of the stress. How nice I have been to them. How hurt I’ve been by being rejected. I don’t discuss it since I would be desperate (which is understandable).

    Part is myself. Part is feminism (strong “INDEPENDENT” women). Part is women. Maybe it is the Darwinism in me that says, “Survival of the Fittest.” Those who can successfully mate die.

  62. Jay says:

    STDs, I read your post. Don’t know if you’re serious or just joking, but it was very interesting nonetheless. However, I think I will commit suicide soon.

  63. Anon says:

    STDs – what must we as men do? I agree completely with your post.

  64. Broken says:

    Women have destroyed me, they have caused me too much pain. I have been rejected too many times. If I am ever in a position where I can exact revenge on any woman and get away with it I will. I am sucessful and entering into the medical profession so shouldn’t be long now. :P

  65. [...] meant more to me than a few paragraphs–but he didn’t seem to mind much. I later wrote a follow-up, then another follow-up, and told him how much it seemed to resonate with readers– that [...]

  66. alexdonald says:

    I don’t know if this helps anyone but here’s a link to my blog about suicide and clinical depression.

    Moonbeam, I’m so sorry you lost your friend. He sounded like a great guy. I hope he’s finally found some peace.

    http://alexdonald.wordpress.com/2010/03/15/david-foster-wallace/

    It’s a great post, Alex. Thank you so much for posting the link. My friend was a great guy, and I’m hoping the very same thing.

  67. lou says:

    I’m 48 years old and had forgotten what it was like to have feelings for someone.Recently I met a girl that I was extremely fond of.Unfortunately for me the girl ended the whole thing.This was months ago.I still think of her daily and think I may love her.I have been married twice and have four beautiful children.I’m thinking my 50th will be a good time to exit.

  68. Dan says:

    I typed in suicide, no girlfriend and the person that you described is me. I’m 25 years old and never had a girlfriend before. Though I would like to, I get nervous and shy around them. I’ve had some negative experiences with then where i’ve been picked on and laughed at by them. They called me names like mentally slow, retarded etc. I wish that I can feel love and acceptance from them. I’ve thought about taking me life a lot and still do to an extent. Is life worth living without a partner? It seems like it’s not. Everytime I go somewhere and see couples, my self esteem is hurt and my will to live diminishes.

  69. I don’t answer comments here very often any more, because the post is older and I’ve pretty much said all there is to say on my end. There is a lot of wisdom to be found in the comments of others, and a lot of pain too. It’s always my hope that those who come across this post will find some sort of comfort in some of the dialogue. I was going to close the comments at one point, because it’s sometimes hard to read about all of the pain that a lot of commenters are experiencing. But I’ve come to think of this little section as a dumping ground. Sometimes, you just need to dump things out and get them off of your chest.

    That being said, Dan, your comments have stuck with me today, and I’m glad you expressed yourself so well. I’m going to try to keep this brief, but I just want to tell you that, as someone twice your age now, I believe more than ever that THINGS CHANGE. I’m saying from experience that the person you are now is not necessarily the man you will be in ten or twenty years. The world currently you live in can flip and turn and spin until at some point in the future, you won’t even recognize the planet you were on. If only I could tell you what my life was like when I was 25, versus the life that I have now. But here’s the thing: You have to do it. You have to work at creating a world that you can live in comfortably and happily. You have to throw in the cards you were dealt and pick some new ones from the deck (I don’t know poker terminology, but I hope you catch my drift). I swear, life goes by at Amtrak speed, but we’re deluded into believing that it’s crawling by, and we wait for things to happen, but really, you have to make some of it happen. Try to build a different life, one in which you are doing things that interest you and make you happy. I’ll bet you money that at some point, someone will want to hop on that train with you and go along on your adventure. Those happy couples you see are happy at the particular moment you see them, but almost anyone you talk to will tell you stories of bad relationships, heartache and painful memories. There are many people who’ve decided not to pursue relationships because of their unhappy experiences. There’s always another side to the coin. Lastly, I’m sorry that you encounter dumbasses who’ve called you names. The world is full of them, unfortunately, and you really have to blow them off. Consider the source. Good luck to you Dan, I wish you the very best.

  70. Dan says:

    Wow. Thank you for your response. I didn’t think I would recieve one. I know some would say that I have more important things in life to worry about, and they are probably right, but does it seem like some people are meant for love, happiness, and relationship and some aren’t? Some guys like a guy I knew in high school, was able to go from girl to girl and he was the typical jerk guy. What I hate about life is nice guys finish last and bad boys are rewarded and praised.

  71. John says:

    I attempted suicide in 2004 after the love of my life left me after cheating on me. I was told “things would get better” and that I would find someone else. Well I can tell you that is not necessarily true. I wish I had succeeded and chose a more lethal method when I really had the guts to do it because it would have saved me so much suffering and I wouldnt have to be the pathetic person I am today. I could tell you who cares if you are lonely, who cares if people think you are a weirdo and calling you a homo but its human nature to care what other people think. Its biology.

    It may be human nature to care what others think, but the level of caring and how we let if affect us is up to us. To care so much that it would cause you to take your own life is giving them way too much power. Do their stupid comments really matter that much? Who are they that you put so much stock in what they think of you?

    In the end, all that matters is what you think of yourself. From what you’ve written, your self loathing level’s pretty high. I hope you can figure out ways to love yourself. It’s amazing, but once that happens, you’ll find that others will love you too. Sorry if I sound preachy, I just believe that you have the power to turn things around. That being said, I’m very sorry about your pain.

  72. John says:

    Well, I dont think what others think alone is a reason to commit suicide but it definitely is a factor. The world is a very dark, cold place to be when you have no friends or family. On a hot sunny day there is (literally visual) an underlying darkness. And to interact with people all day but still be lonely. It makes sleep the only thing to look forward to , which makes the big sleep seem extremely alluring.

  73. Dan says:

    Amen John.

  74. Anonymous says:

    Having read all the above posts, i have to say i am in the same boat. 28 Years old now, still single. Everytime i meet a girl i like, i always get rejected. The only girls that like me i am not attracted to. I hve now given up completely as i just cant face getting hurt again. I really dont think i can cope with any more misery. I am so sad and lonely now. People say suicide is not the answer but i have to disagree. There is no hope for me anymore. If I have to spend the rest of my life alone, then I dont think i want to live at all. I have not made a final decision yet but i am seriously thinking about ending my life. I think i will give it another month, but if i am still this depressed then im going to end it.

    Hi there. The comments on this post just haunt me. I’m really so sorry about your loneliness– I’ve been there too, and I wish that I could offer some advice (in fact, I probably will). Having had people close to me commit suicide, I just want to tell you to please hang in there. You’re young, you can’t imagine how much your life can change for the better and you have no idea of the devastation you’d cause to those you’d leave behind.

    I’ve had many friends who were loners– some by choice, some by circumstance. I admire the way that they’ve built their lives, because they’ve found ways to be happy within themselves. They deal with loneliness at times, but they also have sought ways to attain fulfillment. It can be done.

    My words aren’t so bright this morning, but I’m just amazed at all of the comments here, and this common theme of “If I can’t be with someone, I’m going to off myself.”

    Here’s a nice link that I found about dealing with loneliness. The only thing I can add is to listen to music, look at art and seek humor. They’re lifesavers. Also, as trite as it may seem, counseling is a nice way to get the hamster wheel thoughts out of your head and into the air. Sometimes just relaying our hopelessness to another human being is worth the price of admission.

    I wish you a good, happy, long life. Thank you for being here.

  75. Chris says:

    Facinating thread, and you must be a very nice caring person to reply to all these people. I myself am 28 like the previous poster and have also given up on ever finding love. The only reason i wouldn’t take my own life is because I dont want to hurt my remaining family, and also because I am too much of a coward. I will continue to be sad, lonely and miserable. Probably forever but that is at least not the selfish persons way out. I work with firearms so its not like I dont have the means to take my own life instantly, its just that it is a selfish, selfish thing to do to all your family members that are left wondering WHY!!! Anyone considering taking their own life, please dont, call someone, anyone, friends, samaratins, anyone, dont destroy anyone elses life. Think of how sad and miserable you are now? Would you knowingly pass this misery onto someone else? Probably not, so please dont do just that by taking the ultimate step. You are all in my prayers.

    (((Chris))), I’m sending you one of those corny, squinchy Internet hugs. You sound very nice and caring too, which makes me believe that the future you see for yourself may not be the one that comes to pass. Thank you so much for what you’ve said here.

  76. Chris says:

    Just another quick point, it saddens me so much to think that some of the people that have posted here may have actually ended their lives. The amount of suffering and pain they will have afflicted on their loved ones doesn’t bear thinking about. The above comments may actually have been someones last words is so sad. I am very, very sad. I hate myself and am also very lonely. I have lots of friends and family, just very low self asteem, and will never find a woman to be with, but thats just life. Please anyone considering this final and lonely step. Dont.

    I’ve thought about that a lot and have decided that it’s better to keep the comments open here and give people a place to vent. Maybe someone who was considering suicide will change their mind after reading some of this. I hope so anyway. There has to be some comfort in knowing that as lonely as you feel, you’re really not alone (if you know what I mean).

    Note: I hope you don’t mind if I don’t post that link. I totally get your thinking there, since it shows the devastation of those left behind, but it may be more helpful to give links to resources to those who are still hanging in there. Please let me know if you have any to share. Hope that makes sense.

    Learn to love yourself, Chris. You’re obviously a really cool guy. Counseling, self-help books, whatever it takes. You’re worth it.

  77. My husband said to tell you all that he was/ is a big time loner, and he basically is. We just got married about a month ago. He’s 57, I’m 51 and we’re both very happy. He said to tell you, “You just never know when it will hit you in the face (translation: love).” And you just never do.

  78. Zelgadis says:

    I’m also 28 years old and I never had a girlfriend. I’ve alone most of my life and I’m getting tired it. I don’t see the point of continuing when no one thinks I’m worth being with. All I want now is to have a normal life and I can’t even get that. I see no hope. A friend killed himself a couple months back and he was in the same boat. Genuinely a good guy, but had no luck with the ladies. Life is cruel. Why continue when you’re not wanted.

  79. So sorry about your friend. I had a friend who did the same thing, but he waited until he was past fifty. He was talented, attractive and kind. To a lot of people, he came across as self-absorbed, depressed and sometimes exhausting to be around. Of course it all became a self-fulfilling prophecy. He was depressed because he didn’t have a girlfriend, he didn’t have a girlfriend because he was always depressed. Counseling, Zelgadis. I hope you get counseling. Twenty-eight’s way too young to throw away the gift of life. Who knows? It could help, and it certainly couldn’t hurt.

  80. Michijo says:

    I don’t understand what people have against someone searching for this! Some men really feel bad about not having a girlfriend or having sex and want to die. Maybe their parents didn’t love them enough or something. To tell the person not to do it is like a rich person saying “let them eat cake!”.

  81. Hi Michijo– No one has a problem with anyone searching for this. In fact, I’m glad, because I think it probably shows that people who are feeling this way have plenty of company. Hopefully, there’s some comfort in that. I disagree that it’s like “a rich person saying, ‘let them eat cake.’” You know, when you eat cake, you can throw it up, or pass on a second piece or wrap it up and take it home to your Aunt Myrtle. Suicide’s permanent. A lot of people here are saying, “Give it time– you never know what the future holds for you.”

  82. udolipixie says:

    It’s ironic that the some of the guys with gal troubles are agreeing with STDs hypocritical and irrational post stemming from women being able to judge a man on more criteria as generally they don’t depend on him for financial survival.

    He’s upset that attractive women are choosing attractive men to have sex with suggesting hypocrisy in the sense that he’s upset that women particularly attractive women want attractive men when he focused on attractive women “because honestly those are the only ones anyone longs for”. He calls women sex objects and states “women are ignoring their prime purpose to ease a male’s ego building years with sex.”

    Seems he’s forgetting prostitution in legal areas when he states what makes the event of women having more criteria in a partner even more depressing is that the females could easily alleviate most men of this melancholy by sleeping with them.

    Guys can already have the system STDs dreams of without treating the female population like cattle as he stated there’s such a thing as mail order brides and real dolls.

    Quite interesting that how many of the guys who have trouble with gals are misgnyositic, hateful, wish to treat women like sex objects, or think women are obligated to have sex with them.

    I’m not surprised by such guys existence who believe or support STDs mindset as in America it seems to be quite increasing with anti-feminism and male rights activists particularly. Seems it’s not that guys are sad they have no gf, female companionship, or emotional connection but that guys are upset, angry, and full of hate that that they are virgins and women can say no and don’t have to dole them out sex/relationships to build their egos.

  83. Anonymous says:

    I searched this I don.t attempt suicide unless I.m angry after which I get really depressed. I had “a girlfriend” for the last month or so I met her online she lived three states away and I found out later she was a bit younger than me. Lately she doesn.t talk to me at all and I have felt guilty about the relationship because of the age difference.

  84. Beta says:

    Im 21, I don.t have a girlfriend. To me life is just as natural as death just as rest is just as natural as motion. I.m not sure if there is a God. I don.t believe in fate or destiny. Im sure my whole girlfriend problem may be the result of my child.abuse as a kid or my religous upbringing. The fact that I look young for my age, most girls my age are going out with guys 5 sometimes 10 years older than them. Maybe evolution doesn.t like my type I don.t know, but I don.t care. Udolipixie is right life is unfair some people get weeded out of the genetic pool. This is harsh but true and yes one day some people on this post myself included might give in. I don.t think anyone has a right to judge in these cases. Loneliness is hard so let it be what it will be. Society tries to help too much oftentimes. Many times there is no solution to problems like this. I take my mind off of this by taking more and more risks, I always try to keep my body in a state of emergency by working over.time drinking energy drinks and coffee and listening to metal music. Trying to get in the military.

  85. shaun barnett says:

    To Anonymous (and others), it’s possible I might be able to help you in some way. I was once very lonely and dejected having been rejected many times by girls but now I’ve had over 25 girlfriends (lost count) over the years, with some good quality relationships as well as some fun, sexy hook-ups with some hotties, and am currently seeing a 23 year old girl although I’m now 38. I am NOT good looking, just average and at the moment am not even employed. If you’re willing to learn and at least have the confidence to go out and experiment a little, then there’s plenty of hope. You are possibly doing some very basic things wrong which will cripple any chance you have with a girl. For example, if you meet a girl you really like, who also likes you, and you manage to strike something up with her then what should you do over the next few weeks/months? If you’re in the 20-30 years age bracket and your answer is to repeatedly contact her, send her flowers and show her just how much you like her and care about her, then I’m afraid you are clueless. No, the best thing you can do if you meet someone you really like is to go out and meet someone else as soon as possible. The reason: this will (hopefully) prevent you from acting desperate and scaring the poor girl away. Trust me, few girls appreciate an over zealous guy who clearly has no social life, hounding them. And if you genuinely like a girl and can’t stop thinking about her, then you WILL DEFINITELY act desperate if you don’t have a second girl or something else to distract your thoughts away from her. There is so much more for me to say! If you post on here again I’m happy to discuss this with you further. If it doesn’t eventuate at least remember the following: Never go on a date! They’re just awkward and scary. It’s far better to very casually ‘bump into’ a girl while she’s already out having fun. Focus on having a good time, stay sober at all times unless you get caught up in a whirlwhind of a good time, always carry a lighter, always have plenty of cash in your wallet, always have your car available, always be polite and friendly, No negative comments, ever!, ummm there’s heaps more. Oh, you absolutely MUST read ‘Body Language’ by Allan and Barbara Pease. If you don’t at least do that then you’re not even coming close to giving yourself a fighting chance. Believe me, you don’t need lots of money, great looks or anything like that to meet girls but you DO need the right attitude, positive energy and some fun in your spirit, otherwise you’ll miss out. You MUST laugh somehow before you go out and get in the right frame of mind to talk with people. And remember there’s a diverse range of women out there, no two are alike, so be careful about generalising anything. You’ll never be all things to all women so just be your best self you can be, expect lots of women to brush you off (that can be a really fun part if you let it) and eventually you’ll meet some really nice girls who are compatible with you. Cheers. Oh, if you’re wondering why I’ve had so many gf’s and therefore so many r’ships that have ended, it’s because I became addicted to socialising and completely hooked on the thrill of the hunt. It’s very exciting once you’ve learnt how to do it.

  86. shaun barnett says:

    One other thing, if you meet a nice girl you like, for god’s sake don’t ask her out for dinner or a movie or something stupid like that, she knows one on one right off the bat will just be awkward. Need to casually introduce partying spots/places of interest into the convo and if she says, “yeah I’m always at the Sandbar on a saturday night” there’s your in right there. She’s saying she’d be happy to bump into you there some time randomly. Same thing even if you get her phone number (which is great!), don’t call and ask her out for dinner! if she’s 24 years old she’ll likely think you’re lame and boring. I personally would think you’re a dick head haha. Ask her what her plans are for the weekend and her answer will give you an insight to her life but whatever you arrange must be loose and flexible and very casual. “might see you in the city then”. Of course you’ll be in the city with a view to meeting other girls and having fun, if she contacts you, great! Meet up. If she doesn’t, great! Meet someone else. See?! It’s positive energy you’re seeking and needing, not one specific girl, at least in the beginning. So get out there and have some fun, even if it’s just in a pool hall, that’s better than nothing. :) Yes Shaun Barnett is my real name, did that by accident, but feel free to fb me ok. In south australia, studied at adelaide university.

  87. michijo says:

    Are there any articles about actual men killing themselves from not having girlfriends? I would like to know about them. I cant find any online.

  88. udolipixie says:

    I can’t find any either if you’re not counting when the guy kills a bunch of other gals then himself (to evade prison time). I can only find articles about guys killing gals because they don’t have a girlfriend.

    It seems guys for are more likely to kill others (particularly gals) than kill themselves.

  89. michijo says:

    I’m sure it must happen. If a guy cant get a girl, its like he is being denied life. A woman is like life, and without anyone to share life with, a man has to be a Taoist priest or schizoidal personality type to understand some sort of mental mechanism to escape from the pulling draw of the absence of girlfriend. If denied life, death becomes more life than living. Life could not exist without death, so to suicide is to embrace life, and through one final act, at least for a second, one is able to live through self-destruction.

  90. michijo says:

    Women are also pushy. Women are impatient, and push men forward too rapidly. I sometimes think that the absence of a dick makes women too impatient. I have found mostly during my life that women are pushy, worry about their age and looks too much, and generally want to treat men like dogs. One might kill oneself merely to escape them.

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