Recently, David over at “Thoughts-0-Dave” posted this amazing image of a mystical onion ring. See the yin yang symbol? It’s subtle, barely perceptible, but if you look closely, you’ll see it. Things like this give me chills. As some guy named van der Rohe said, “God is in the details,” and wow, what details people have found: Jesus on a tree, the countenance of Mother Theresa in a cinnamon bun, Allah’s name on a slice of eggplant, a baby Jesus and Mary peanut– the list goes on and on. Do a search for “Virgin Mary Pretzel” on eBay sometime. You’ll be amazed.
Speaking of eBay, this 10-year-old half of a grilled cheese sandwich with the Virgin Mary’s face on it sold there a few years ago for $28,000. It even had a bite taken out of it. I’m certain that the woman who sold it donated her entire winnings to a faith-based charity.
I looked around and tried unsuccessfully to find miracles like these from other religions– a Star of David in a scoop of chopped liver maybe, or a Buddha in a bowl of rice. I did find this image, which really spooked me.
Of course, I’m leading up to something here. The other night, I made a delicious pot of vegetarian chili. I regret to say that I am a kitchen slacker, and waited to clean up the mess until the following day. As I was wiping the stove, I saw this:
This is a completely unretouched photo of Tom’s seventeen year old stove.
I called him downstairs to show him the miracle, and he was duly impressed.
“Whatever you do, don’t clean it off,” I told him. “This is some sort of divine sign.” Of course, he said nothing, just went upstairs and left me alone with my miracle. He’s so sweet that way.
I thought about the significance of the heart on the stove. God was obviously sending us a message in tomato sauce telling us to love one another.
This experience has changed me as person. I can’t explain it, but I feel that the vegetarian chili stove heart has altered my soul on some deep level, and that whoever comes into contact with it will be changed as well. How could they not be?
It would be selfish of me to keep this to myself, so in order to share it with the world, I’ve decided to sell Tom’s stove on eBay. Bidding starts at $15,000. Don’t tell him, I want it to be a surprise. I just thought I’d let all of you know before I placed the listing. You know, so you could get first dibs on it.
Turns out that heart shape pops up in lotsa places. Nice post moonie! My wife and I have always noticed the hearts! It’s a really organic shape.
Please accept my apology in advance, but I’d like to mention a heart image that’s rather disgustingly beautiful. It’s a stain on a bedsheet. I don’t want to say more, but I’m sure that your imaginations will conjure the physics and timing necessary to produce this lovely heart-shaped stain. K?
@ David: It may be common, but I still think it’s a divine message, and that you should buy our stove. Or at least consider it. It’s an antique, you know.
I know what you mean about the bedsheet, but I kind of giggled when I read it. If your wife was upset that you told us about the fake Target vines and berries, she’d be absolutely mortified by your comment on this post!
I sooo hope you get really high bids on such a divine image on Tom’s stove. And the charity of choice should be Chez Moonbeam Nouveau. In a safe, tranquil, boring, and bland neighborhood of your choice, of course.
I must go look closer at those chocolate smudges on my sofa. Maybe my kids are just the tool for something more mysterious, eh?
While discussing your range over breakfast my wife and I found a couple of potential buyers for you. A gay couple was sitting just behind us, overheard and were very interested. Although they misheard they description, I’m not sure I they still feel they same way. They thought the range had a hard-on on it. I had to clarity it had a heart-on in.
good luck with that amazing treasure. Truly divine.
I’m going to bed now. That’s way too many typos for one day.
You’re absolutely right about that moonbeam. Fortunately she never reads mine or anybody else’s blogs. I’d have to come up with a cover story, like don’t worry that wasn’t you that was just some hooker in Atlantic City years ago, before I met you. That would help.
And yes, it is a divine message. It’s ALL a divine message!
My daughter discovered a heart in her avacado once. We took it as a sign from God that avacados are good for your heart so we ate it. Now I regret not selling it on e-bay for 2.6 million dollars.
http://kimiam.wordpress.com/2007/09/22/really-good-guacamole/
@ LM: Thank you! I’m thinking there might be an actual bidding war. And I think your choice of a charitable organization is brilliant!
@ Narnie: You should definitely study them, and I hope you never scold your kids for leaving them, because chances are, they aren’t making messes, they’re just leaving miracles.
@ Peter Parkour: Thank you for clarifying this. I’d hate for that couple to have felt cheated. I didn’t even notice the typos until you mentioned them, but I’m glad you’re getting some sleep.
@ David: I’m glad you don’t have to worry about providing a cover story, but that one was pretty good.
It is all divine!
@kimiam: Holy guacamole! That would have brought a lot of money– I think I see Elvis’s face in there too!
I remember during the Virgin-Mary-toast hype that there was another miracle that received far less attention, and went for a substantially lower price on eBay…
I thought the “Hello Kitty toast” was substantially more adorable and a much crisper image, but unfortunately, it lacked the iconic significance. Hello Kitty simply didn’t have as large a role in the bible (I think she might be in some of the apocrypha). It bugged me that Hello Kitty was steamrolled so badly.
But I too have a stake in this blame, I suppose… When I discovered that Sanrio actually makes a Hello Kitty toaster, which produced the under-appreciated miracle, I became excited that I could produce my own daily miracles. I didn’t get it though, when I saw that the Mary-toast went for thousands more, I opted to get the Blessed-Virgin toaster.
I’m kinda slow to catch on to stuff, and I was never any good at Rorschach tests to begin with, but at first I thought the oven heart was a replica of the grilled cheese sandwich. That was enough to amaze me, but when I realized that no, it was not a grilled cheese replica but was in fact a message of love from above, it totally blew my mind.
This is EXACTLY why I look in the terlet before I flush.
Kisses,
Maxine
Ooops… it was a grilled cheese sandwich of the Madonna, wasn’t it? Kinda blew my joke.
Damn.
For Christmas last year I bought my sister this thing that makes an imprint of Jesus on a piece of bread and then you toast the bread and you have Jesus toast.. We could make hundreds of Jesus toasts and sell them on E-Bay. We’d be rich. Though I suppose people would catch on fairly soon when they notice you’ve got hundreds of them on sale.
Sounds like St. Pascual got loose in your kitchen, Moonbeam. He’s a patron saint of cooks, especially Tex-Mex. A heart with chili a coincidence? I don’t think so!
I’m glad you mentioned that’s the Virgin Mary on the sandwich. I thought it was the baby Jesus, all grown up, kinda like the sandwich of Turin.
Fun post, as always!
@ Adam: Hello Kitty toast is equally as miraculous as a Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich, in my opinion. But yes, mass production does sort of make it lose its eBay-ability. I really like this toaster:
If I could start each day with a delicious slice of pirate toast, my life would be so much richer.
@ Wendy: I think that the miracle is so overpowering that the human mind can’t take it in on the first viewing. Sort of like David’s onion ring. You have to really look to see it.
@ Maxine: LOL. I never used to look, but you’d better believe I’m going to start looking now!
@ Joan: I’ll be Barbara loves her Jesus toast. But yes, the price of these miracles is going down, because now everyone’s in on the act. I read that someone saw Mary Kate and Ashley Olson on their grilled cheese, but it may have been a hoax.
I don’t understand why this one didn’t make millions.
Someone found Elvis on toast. Only it took 37 pieces for them to see his entire image. That seems a little more miraculous to me.
@ ellaella: I think I need St. Pascual in my kitchen- especially when I make Tuna Dump.
I don’t think it was a coincidence either, and I agree with you about the sandwich. Actually, I think it looks more like Greta Garbo, mostly due to the fact that um, people have seen her actual face and therefore know what she looked like.
god I may start believing again!! Hey…an entire religion could be formed from this image…at least a movement.
Maybe I should start cooking more…a miracle could happen for me. Well, a second miracle the first would be me cooking more!
@ gypsy-heart: If I didn’t have to cook, I’d definitely consider it a miracle.
You may be right– this could start an entire religious movement. It’s made a believer out of me. And every day that I don’t have to cook, I’ll kneel before my stove and say, “I heart you.”
MB…look at it sideways. OMG….it’s a MagiMonkey sitting on it’s butt, legs stretched out in front of him.
No…it’s a greasy heart. A message from God telling you to watch your cholesterol
Or…XENU? Kanye West?
@ trailerparkbarbie: Oh…my….god….I think it’s…Buddy Hackett!!!!
If I buy your stove, I’m assuming I’ll find true love….
And on that note, I don’t have $15G’s yet, but let the fundraising begin!
My friend Debi once took a picture of her tree and once it was developed found that a branch perfectly resembled a huge penis. How fun, enjoy the heart.
Looking from the other side, it looks like an elf boot complete with pom pom.
However, if you stand on your head and look at it upside down, it sorta resembles Mama Cass
Ooooh…this is fun. Better than psych doc ink blots.
‘Don’t tell him. I want it to be a surprise.’ — Very nice. And I’m sure you, too, will donate your eBay money to a faith-based organization… My favorite ‘apparition’ is the one concerning Pope John Paul II. Too bad you can’t sell bonfires.
Here’s the story on that: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=487764&in_page_id=1811
@ romi: I think true love is guaranteed if you buy this stove! Yes, yes. I’m sure of it.
@ ghetto girl: I wonder how much that tree would sell for on eBay. Quite a bit, I’d imagine.
@ trailerparkbarbie: Whatever it is you’re imbibing, I’d like to order one too!
@ cooleyhigh: Of course it will go to a faith-based charity– Our Lady of Perpetual Poverty, the location of which is at my house.
I love the Pope in the fire thing. I also found a pope hat Dorito, which, while not quite as impressive, was still kind of nice.
The lady that had the grilled cheese sammich got a tattoo of it on her (can’t remember where exactly) before putting it on Ebay ..
I think you need to put a tattoo of the stove across your ass before putting it up for auction.
@ Red: Wow…I had to look that up to get the details. You’re right– she got a little grilled cheese sandwich tattooed on her chest, so that it would always be close to her heart. The casino that bought the sandwich (which is now displayed behind bulletproof glass) paid for the ink.
I think your idea about the stove tattoo is a good one. Two burners on one cheek, two on the other, with the miraculous chili heart placed just so. I’ll definitely do that after I receive the winning bid.
[...] wee bit panicky, and am looking for more stuff of Tom’s to pawn on eBay (for some reason, the Celestial Stove didn’t sell). Please don’t tell [...]
The same thing happened to me, but with tea. I had been particularily groggy after staying up late working on a portfolio piece, because it was going so slowly and if felt depressed about it, wondering if i should cut my losses and effort, do it over again. Then of course that followed in with the usual self-doubts of, ‘what am i doing? i’m a total hack!’ and the like. So, bad morning, right?
Two teabags and some dunking later, i had set them on the counter and the leaky bags left behind a perfect, unmistakable heart. Felt like somebody was telling me something, because that never happened to me before, and why of all days the day i feel the shittiest?
