1: Money. I have got to figure out a way to earn an income. I’m a wee bit panicky, and am looking for more stuff of Tom’s to pawn on eBay (for some reason, the Celestial Stove didn’t sell). Please don’t tell him.
2: That damned stupid Death Star that’s threatening to do a pop-fly toward earth. This really ticks me off. If it would just suddenly hurl itself and obliterate us with no warning, I’d be okay, but it’s probably going
to be one of those situations where it comes at us in excruciatingly slow motion. This will allow the news programs to do Death Star Countdowns and stuff, which will really irk me. I really need to stock up on liquor in the event that this is the way it happens. You’ll all be invited to my Death Star party, by the way.
3: I’ve been pondering whether the popularity of empty, shallow dimwits like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian somehow foreshadows the end of western civilization. Instead of 
“Nero fiddled while Rome burned,” the history books will say something like, “Paris fiddled with her hair while Romania Burned.”
4: I fret about whether this fibromyalgia will completely ruin my quality of life, or just large chunks of it. Frankly, I’m sick of the word itself, not to mention the syndrome.
5: Writing. I worry about whether I’ll ever make money doing this, which goes back to #1, but I also worry about whether #1-3 will keep me so preoccupied that I will no longer be able to do #4.
6: My daughter’s coming to visit this weekend!! Yipppee! I haven’t seen her in over a year. This is the best thing that’s happened in a long time, but of course it creates an pitire subheading of worry.
A. I have to superclean the house (I haven’t even completely unpacked from when I moved here), and the needle on my energy reserves is almost at “E.”
B. She and a friend are riding a bus to get here, and I’m concerned that they’ll be stolen by a gang of black market bus thieves somewhere along the way.
C. I’m trying to figure out ways to show her a good time while my body’s doing the Fibromyalgia Scream, and while we’re on such an impossibly tight budget. Yesterday, I wanted to get her some Captain Crunch (her favorite cereal) but Tom says that at this point, we can only afford “Private Crunch.”
D. I promised to take her and her friend to get pierced while they’re here. I don’t know what body parts they’re having drilled, and I don’t want to know.
7: Drugs in our drinking water. I worry about it, but it does sort of offer an explanation as to how Bush got elected for a second term.
8: I’m concerned about the cream horns I’ve been eating, and what they’re doing to my ass.
9: I’m worried that I won’t be able to come up with ten things for this list.
10:
I share worries 1, 3, & 5. I think your idea in #7 provides a very convincing explanation of politics. And I think that “Private Crunch” is absolutely hilarious.
However, I think that in the naval branch of the military, it would actually be “Seaman Crunch”… which is actually a little disturbing, and has just become an entry on my worry list.
@ Adam: OH MY GOD! Your comment made me laugh harder than Tom’s. Although I’ll now never go near that cereal, and probably will not allow my daughter to eat it.
You must be feeling better. I hope so.
no need to worry moonbeam, you found a number 10.
, it makes everyone else around you nervous 
I’m glad I found a good number 10, kirbyann. I found about six more awful things to worry about after I wrote it.
Number 2 is big on my list also, and I just keep watching TV shows that make it worse.
Number 3 is a worry because it’s so true, and I keep listening to Coast to Coast which gives nightly reports on how true it is.
Number 6 is wonderful news, but I can identify with the worry. I do the same thing when my kids FLY here. (It got worse when Max was at Logan Airport at the same time and day as the Shoe Bomber.)
Number 7 : El Paso has lithium in the water and I think about it constantly. I think about it while humming Kurt Cobain songs.
Number 8 : I’m right with you, only with me it’s the new Oreo soft whoopie pies (or whatever those things are I keep eating.)
I just can’t watch those shows. It would flip me out too much. I get all of my news force fed to me from my stupid home page, then I go in search of more information, then I make myself stop before I hurl myself out of the window. It’s my system.
I’m so happy that my daughter’s coming! I hope there are no uni-bus bombers. I wish Dayton had a little Xanax in the water. We probably just have BC or ExLax here. Maybe a little crack too. I don’t know what Oreo soft whoopie pies are, and I don’t think I want to.
I have a solution to the worrying about what you eat thing. I have a really bad sweet tooth that I thought would get better with age. Oh no, just the opposite. Anyway, what I do is this: go to the store, buy all the goodies I like, especially snickers, milky way, etc… Also buy a container of safety pins. Take everything home. When I get home, I change into my lounging clothes, that would be sweats and slippers. Take out the goodies and the pins and spread them out in front of me. For each goodie, take one safety pin out of the container. Now, pick up one of the goodies and pin it to your hip area. Pin one to the thigh area and another to the ever widening ass area. This is where each of the goodies will end up so this exercise is really a time and energy saver for your body.
Abbe
Abbe, this will just not do. It defeats the whole purpose, which is to taste the goodies. Over and over and over. With your method, I’d be swallowing a great many safety pins, I’m afraid.
I’m so sick of living with pain, Moonbeam. Have you ever thought of collecting Social Security instead of being broke? Arthritis is listed as a condition that you can claim disability benefits. It might be worth a look into. As you can see I already have, but I am still looking for a full time career, since I finally graduated in 8/06….
I’m sick of it too, but I’m not complaining (for a few seconds anyway). You have far more health issues going on right now, and I’m glad you’re applying. I hope you don’t ever need it, but if you do, you’ve got the ball rolling. I am really thinking about you a lot these days. You’re one tough ghetto girl, and I know you’re going to figure out a way to deal with it all successfully. I wonder if there’s something you can do with that degree working at home. I’ve been looking down those avenues lately. Someone sent me a great list if you ever need it. Sending you hugs.
Moonbeam….I just listed some of my husband’s stuff on eBay. I did it because I made a spontaneous purchase of a piece of jewelry. Now, I have to find a way to pay for it. He’ll never miss his crap. And, if he does, I’ll just look innocent and say, “HOW would I know where it is?”
Fibro worries me, too. My shoulders really hurt at night. And, I do not have a doctor any longer. After I lost my insurance, my “wonderful, compassionate” doctor pronounced me all but cured.
Why are you cleaning your house? It would be a good way for your daughter and her friend to keep themselves occupied while visiting you if you let them do it.
Drugs in our drinking water….HOPE SO! Cheaper than RX’s.
The Paris’ of the world will self destruct when they reach 40 and realize that their ass has dropped. It’s survival of the fittest and they won’t be the fittest any longer. And believe me when Kim K’s ass falls, it will register on the Rhector (rhictor?) scale.
You ma’am, are hilarious. Tom wouldn’t miss the crap, but he’d sure notice any spontaneous jewelry purchases I made.
You know, I quit all meds, all doctors, and I can’t say that it’s made a bit of difference– in fact, I feel better not putting up with the whole medical community. I’m putting a lot of hope in the warmer weather. This seems so much worse in the winter.
I have to clean house! My daughter’s coming! I want to save all of the time she spends here for visiting.
I think if I lived in Beverly Hills, I might enjoy drugs in my drinking water. Here, not so much, because it’s either over-the-counter stuff, crack or meth.
If Paris’ ass drops, she’ll just pay to have someone lift it for her. If Kim’s ass drops, I just hope she’s not standing over any small children or animals.
There’s a Death Star? And more importantly, you’re having a Death Star party?? And I can come? Cool.
Of course you can come! I’m having the invitations engraved next week!
OK then.
I had a pretty nice day today.
I’ve lived plenty long enough anyway. So what the hell?
Oh by the way, PEOPLE! The drugs in the water are from our own excretions, so don’t get all worried that THEY are trying to drug you! The stuff just gets through all the filtration systems. How wonderful is that?
FUCK THE DEATH STAR! When they fire up the Large Hadron Collider at CERN this summer, THAT should be your worry number ten. Tell George Noory about that!
Stop that, David. Stop giving me more worries. Stop making me think about poop and pee.
I’m glad you had a nice day.
PRIVATE CRUNCH! HAAAH!! That’s so funny!
I thought so too. That, and Adam’s comment!
Does the Private Crunch come in peanut butter?
Seaman Crunch?!?! I don’t feel so well now. My ribs are sore from laughing.
@ Red: Yes, but it’s that off-brand stuff.
@ Peter Parkour: I had the same reaction!
Number 10 for me would be not having anything to post about!!
As usual you have a funny kick ass post!
Maybe you could earn money teaching people like me to post.
We love you girl!
I wrote this whole thing about your ten worries and then I lost it. Now it’s One in the morning and I’m too tired to remember what I wrote. I will try to remember and write it tomorrow after my weight watcher’s meeting. Please pray that I lost weight this week. I have a bad feeling.
Kaylee and I have been having a good time talking to each other. Thank goodness she’s a Red Sox fan and a Patriots fan. She rules.
Nothing worse than nasty “cream horn ass” syndrome.
When they assign your butt its own area code, it’s time to hit the treadmill.
But hey, blogging must burn some calories, yes?
As always, an entertaining post.
~m
Awww…you’re so cute, I just wanted to hug you when you got to #9 and #10 (or not 10, as the case may be)…I think it’s so lovely that you get to see your daughter after a whole year, I hope you’re having a fabulous weekend!
@ gypsy-heart: Thank goodness Wendy had a birthday, so I finally did come up with a number 10.
Your posts are so terrific that I don’t think you need any help. I loved your last one!
@ Joan: I would have loved to have seen your list. Keeping my fingers crossed on your weight loss. I just found out that my uncle’s lost over 80 pounds on WW! He hasn’t even been doing it a year.
Kaylee is a sweetie. I was talking to her last night, and she was actually eating! We need to fatten that girl up!
@ ~m: Cream Horn Ass Syndrome is right up there with Banana Split Butt. Horrible, horrible afflictions. I think I read somewhere that blogging burns about 140 calories a minute, so I’m hopeful that the cream horns won’t be staying.
@ romi: I’m so excited! My daughter will be here tomorrow!!!! I hope your weekend is fabulous too!
I hope you are with your daughter right now having a fabulous time.
10 things I worry about.
#1
I used to have way more than ten and 90% of them involved my son but since Al Anon, I have cut that way back though he is my number one worry. He was doing so well in Buffalo but the shit hit the fan. He got fired from his job. His license plates were stolen off his van so I’m getting the “phone calls’ again. I worry that he will never find his way.
#2
I personally don’t have to worry about money because my daughter takes care of me. But I worry about the responsibility she must feel because she earns the most money in the house. She’s so young to have that on her shoulders. Her father helps a lot but I think she’s afraid he will find a woman and move out. He’s always on the prowl. He’s the kind of guy that needs a woman. Plus I think she just likes having him around. He’s a great Dad.
#3
I worry about squirrels. I think they are out to get me.
#4
I worry about getting alzheimer’s. My memory really sucks. Yet I can tell you every single thing we have in the fridge and food cupboard and how much we have of it but I can’t remember what my daughter said yesterday.
#5
I worry about time passing by too fast. It seems as if my daughter was 10 yesterday and today she’s 29.
#6
I worry that even after I lose the weight and get new knees my back will still hurt and I won’t be able to stand and I won’t be able to take care of my daughter’s baby when she finally has one.
Well, that’s all I can come up with for now. I’m sure new ones will pop up. I’m not going to get into worrying about world peace, it seems I have more to worry about than I thought. I really don’t think I am going to be instrumental in creating world peace anyway. If I can just keep the peace at home I’ll be happy.
That is great about your uncle losing 80 pounds. Men always lose it faster than women. They don’t have all those hormones to deal with.
Kaylee is a sweet pea. She’s a Red Sox fan just like me.
Hey Queenie,
I hear you on number 4. Yesterday I was so desperate to figure it out., I ordered a stupid ebook, that pretty much made me suicidal and convinced me that writers are of no more value than a happy meal special on Friday afternoons.
I can say though, that you are an exceedingly talented writer and damn it, you should be able to be paid handsomely for it.
WC
@ Joan: I adore you. Your list is seriously fantastic. I love the way you express yourself. I experience 83 emotions simultaneously when I read the things you write.
@ wc: I always love it when you stop by here. I know we’re going through some similar things in the realm of writing. I’m glad I didn’t order that e-book. At this point, I would have set my head on fire, I think.
Thank you so much for your kind words (I’m serious– you have no idea how much it means). I feel the same about your talent as well.
Your posts and your comment section reminds me of Clint Eastwoods saying..Go on, Make my Day! You all sure do. Love em.
I am with #4. It’s a Bummer!
You and WC should be able to make money with your writing skills. They just have to discover you two.
I so relate and lol when you said “I get all of my news force fed to me from my stupid home page, then I go in search of more information, then I make myself stop before I hurl myself out of the window.” I’m a junkie to that and it makes me crazy!!!!
Have fun with your daughter. The house will be there and will get messed up again.. Did I say that? My daughter is coming to visit in a couple of months and at this point, she can get in the door but from there on its a maze…I am sure I will throw myself in a frenzy to get rid of the tornado war zone areas..but heck, blogging is a great escape from ‘getting down to the business of cleaning’! Yup, getting rid of clutter is a worry for me..why oh why do I think I might need that doo dad someday?
@ Angie: I’m so behind on my blog due to my daughter’s visit. I’m sorry I’m just now seeing this.
Thank you!
I hope you have as excellent a time with your daughter as I did with mine. You are absolutely right. The house was spotless, and within the first two hours it was trashed (and I didn’t care at all).
I love the way you express yourself,
I can say though, that you are an exceedingly talented writer and damn it, you should be able to be paid handsomely for it.
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paris hilton
http://starsinworld.blogspot.com
well, hi admin adn people nice forum indeed. how’s life? hope it’s introduce branch