For some reason, I’m having a hard time putting this post into words, but I’ll try. It’s probably going to sound all new-agey or hocus pocusy, m’kay? I have to say it though, so here goes.
Of all the great mysteries in my life, the one that has always puzzled me most is how fortunate I am. Things can get stinky bad, but really, the number of incredibly good people I’ve known and the kindnesses that I’ve witnessed have often left me feeling amazed and hopeful. Of course, when I’m on the receiving end of the goodness, I feel amazed too, but it’s mixed with a sense of being undeserving. Maybe that’s the Catholic maternal/ Jewish paternal genetic double-whammy, or some Wayne’s World “I’m not worthy” thing, but it’s true. When it gets right down to it, no one owes me anything, and the good stuff is just icing on the cake. I’ve gotten so much icing, and I can’t for the life of me understand why. This isn’t some sort of false modesty, it’s just fact. Over and over again, just when I feel that I’ve reached my lowest ebb, something wonderful happens.
My supervisor e-mailed me last week to see if we could get together, “to discuss business and because I miss you!” I missed her too– we hadn’t spoken for months. She is one of the feistiest, smartest people on the planet, and I learned so much from her. Unfortunately, my physical health dwindled considerably while I was working for her, and I felt less competent and productive than I ever had. I took a leave of absence last summer, thinking that I’d rest and regain my strength, but I never did. What started as a short term leave, ended up being forever. I felt exhausted, depressed and embarrassed, and when my long term disability claim was rejected by the insurance company, I didn’t appeal their decision. I had grown tired of jumping through hoops trying to prove my case, and of struggling to retain my job, because the more I fought, the worse my condition became. I’m embarrassed to admit that I gave up. Not just the job. I gave up my self-esteem, my identity as a competent worker, and my refusal to succumb to Fibromyalgia. While I was with this corporation, the department I was in was outsourced. Most of us became contract workers, and there was a severance package involved at the end of the assignment. So, I gave the severance up too.
I e-mailed my supervisor back and told her that I had a doctor’s appointment in Columbus on Wednesday. We agreed to meet for lunch afterward.
“So what are you two going to talk about?” Tom asked.
“Well, I imagine that she has to ‘officially’ fire me at some point,” I told him. “So, we’ll get that over with, and then we’ll just catch each other up on life.” I was mentally preparing for it. Although I knew I was already canned, I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry when I heard the word “termination.”
We met. We hugged. We ate. We talked. She did not terminate me, although she very nicely offered it as an option. She also said that I could resign. But what she wanted me to do was to try coming back to work, not even for the entire length of the contract, which is probably sometime in July, but just until the end of May, so that I can collect my severance.
Okay, I’m crying. Hang on a second.
Okay, I’m back.
I told her that my body may not allow me to work as long or as steadily as I could before, but that I really wanted to try. We discussed the fact that I no longer live in Columbus, and she said that she’d check to see if she could find a place for me to live during the week. I said that I’d check around too.
The following morning, she e-mailed me back. A supervisor and a co-worker had each offered me places to stay, and another one offered today (I’ll still come home on the weekends).
I know I’m not explaining all of this well, but things have been so crazy this past week, and I’m kind of rushing through, trying to explain.
Here is the short version:
Just when things seemed that they couldn’t get much worse, I’ve been offered an opportunity to work for a few weeks at the job I held before my Fibromyalgia got so bad. We need the income, and if I can make it through to the end, I’ll have a small amount of money which we can use to move. If possible, I’m also planning to earmark a small portion of it for a teacup pup!!!!!!! It’s not a lot of money, but right now it seems like a fortune.
Time after time, this woman has gone to bat for me. She’s not only my supervisor, but my friend, and she never gives up on me. Her actions, and the fact that others have offered to open their homes to me overwhelms me. My coworkers are incredibly sweet. No one gains anything by doing all of this (in fact, they’re giving up some things). It’s just kindness, pure and simple, and it makes me feel very humbled and emotional.
See what I mean? I’m not kidding about all of the “Touched by an Angel” stuff that happens to me. I’ve been so lucky to have known so many angels.
Obviously, my life’s going to change drastically for about a month and a half. I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to write, but I’ll post when I can. I’ve been reading your blogs, but my brain’s been a little too scattered to comment right now. I promise, I’ll play catch up soon. The people at work aren’t the only angels I know.
I’ve got to go start packing.
Note: The guy in the photo has nothing to do with any of this. I just love the picture.
AWWWWW I didnt lieke reading that
@ (((kaylee))): I’m not forgetting you– I promise! I’m hoping I can talk to you when I get settled in Columbus– tomorrow or the next day. I’m answering your e-mail tomorrow. You are in my thoughts, and I’m so sorry it’s been so crazy!
I know exactly how you feel. Great post, and best wishes with your job.
Catherine, I know you do. Thank you!
OKAY moonbeam, thank you! My life has been tough lately
(((kaylee))) I’m heading over to your blog tonight– I miss talking to you so much.
Man, this is great news. I am so happy for you, but I will definately miss your fun and intelligent posts!
but i am happy for you moonbeam!!!!
I know you are, but it’s going to change the amount of time we can jabber, and I think that makes both of us sad.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble, Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea..
- Psalms 46:1-2
Well, the guy has angel wings on his hat, doesn’t he? LOL.
Awesome, just frikkin awesome. This reinforces my belief that everything really does work out. Just in the nick of time, eh? And you’ll get your pup! WOOHOOOO. I am so very happy for you. You deserve it.
While reading this I cried and cried and cried… but they are happy tears. My heart is overwhelmed by the acts of kindness and love. It kind of restores some of my doubts about our society as a whole. Thank you so much. ((((hugs))))
@ kaylee: I miss you! I’ll talk to you soon, hopefully this afternoon or tonight.
@ ghetto girl: Thank you! I hope I’ll still have enough brain cells left over from work to be able to post from time to time. We’ll see!
@ LM: Yes, he does! And he kind of looks like an angel to me.
Thank you!!!! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I can do this!
@ (((betme))): Awwwwww…. that’s kind of how it makes me feel too. It’s really hard to come up with the words to express it, but I do know that “fortunate” is one of them. Thank you sooooo much!
I am glad to hear more evidence of decency in the world. We get so much news about the sickness and depravity, greediness and arrogance, shallowness and stupidity of people because that is what sells things. Unfortunately, compassion and decency, and I don’t mean Decency as in prudishness just doing the right thing by others, is not exciting to a lot of people. Personally, I find them exhilarating even when it has no effect on my life. Thanks for your story, and I hope it all goes well.
I agree with you– we’re bombarded with negatives, and I’m even guilty of doing it on my blog– it’s been kind of an icky winter. It always feels nice, being able to share the goodness that comes my way.
Moonbeam, this is great! What a wonderful opportunity for you and just when you needed it! It couldn’t happen to a better person. See? There are angels here on earth! I knew it, I met mine several years ago. And I’m not a religious person. (If religious means going to a church)
I’ll miss your regular posts but just think about all the new things you can tell us about after you are settled! A new adventure, and we all know how you can take your experiences and turn them into something we can all relate to!
So, take care. Have fun. And go get ‘em! Watch out Columbus, Moonbeam’s movin’ in!
Tell Tom we’re all thinking of him.
Thanks, BD!!! I’m glad you met your angel. I’m not religious either, but I do believe that kindness is an amazing powerful force.
I’m a little worried for the good citizens of Columbus, but I think they’ll be okay.
I’ll pass along your good wishes to Tom, whom I sort of consider my personal angel.
Randy Owen sings it best ,”I believe there are angels among us”.
Wishing you more strength physically, spiritually, and mentally.
Ya know what I like about you the best? You keep on keeping on. You don’t give up!
Thank you Barbie! It’s been a rough three days, but I made it through! I hope that next week will be better– I’ll probably write about it later.
This all sounds so good. I understood your post so well because that’s how my life has been. From the depths of despair something always comes along to help you out of it. In my case one of my angels is my daughter. I would be homeless without her. Well, that’s not totally true. My sister would always take me in if I were homeless and I know my wasband would help me somehow. If it weren’t for our daughter he would be homeless too. I’m sure he’d invite me to live in his van.What goes around, comes around. If you’re good to others it comes back to you somehow when you need it the most.
Your daughter does sound like an angel. I think that, like me, you’re surrounded by good people. My wasband would let me live in his van too, if he had one. Of course, eventually we’d argue and he’d push the van and me over a cliff, but still, he’d offer.
That is such wonderful news! I’m so happy for you… though your presence will surely be missed here!
Thanks, Adam! I’ll still be posting (hopefully). Just not during the week.
I just stopped by to say hi LOL!
Hi (((kaylee)))!
What a wonderful change to hear someone say that they’re lucky, and grateful for the help they’ve been given, and that they have GOOD news!
After just having listened to the gloomsayers on the news – I really shouldn’t have! – this has cheered me right up.
Boundless bountiful blessings to you!
I’m glad this cheered you up! I’m an equal opportunity blogger– I gripe when things are bad, but I like to tell about the good things that come my way too. Thanks for the blessings, and for stopping by here!
I am glad that you have a chance to earn some much needed cash, but I will miss your daily snarkings! Maybe you can pick up some B-12 to help you with the energy levels. Also be sure to drink plenty of water(3Liters at least per day), water keeps the muscles and joints lubricated well and soreness down.
Did I ever tell you that I used to sell those baskets that are made in Newark, and I am very familar with the Columbus area? In fact, before my son was born I was lobbying my husband to try for a job up there so we could move there. I love that area!
Sending HUGS, Prayers and good thoughts your way!
(((Heather))) thank you! I give you my solemn word that I’ll continue to snark, though it won’t be daily.
I’ve been remembering the water, and my B-complex, thanks to you.
No, you didn’t tell me you lived in Newark! I love Columbus too. It’s a great town. Cold, but great.
Congratulations! I’m really happy for you. Wishing you the best, xoxox Lumpy!
Thanks, Lumpy!
I’m so happy for you!
Thank you C!
LOL @ Joan: “I’m sure he’d invite me to live in his van.”
I am SO happy for you! I think this will be GREAT and it’s just what you needed. We will miss you a lot!
Thanks, Lucky.
Joan is a hoot!
I’m so happy for you and yes! similar blessings have come to me when I least expected them too.
Namaste
Thanks, brightfeather.
The house I’m staying at has “namaste” written on the walls of one room.
MISS YOU!
YOU TOO!!!
It’s great you have good people in your life. IMO, the guy in the photo has everything to do with your post. Maybe some kind of message from your own sub-conscious.
Thanks, kimiam. I think he’s a hottie from a silent film version of “Ben-Hur.” Maybe that’s what my guardian angel looks like.
Congratulations
Thank you!
I am SO thrilled for you!!!
How much is this teacup pup you so desperately need to complete your life, and what breed are you looking for? Mama knows how to find a deal and bargain, bargain, bargain!
Kisses,
Maxine
Thank you Miss Maxine!!!
I’d love a teacup Maltese, but I keep reading about how hard they are to housebreak, probably because they have brains the size of a sunflower seed. So, I’ll probably get another tiny dog– a teacup Chihuahua or Yorkie. I was pricing them earlier, and they’re so EXPENSIVE! I’m keeping my eyes peeled for someone who has decided to give theirs away. If you find an adorable, tiny, inexpensive canine child replacement, please let me know!
MOonbeam
i wish we could talk 
oh darnit i keep missing you!!!! I AM GOING TO SIT HERE anD wait for you lol!
I AM A HAPPY GIRL TODAy
A new chapter for MMQ! Good for you! May this little spark of good fortune propel you to a new place in your life.
That dude looks like Kirk Douglas to me, no?
is the guy in the photo from the future or the past?
or Vegas?
@ kaylee: Glad we got to finally talk! I’d hate to think that you were waiting here all night.
Hope to talk to you again this weekend.
@ David: Thanks! I don’t think that’s Kirk Douglas. I think it’s from a silent version of Ben-Hur.
@ aniche: I’m not sure. Maybe the Gold’s Gym of the future?
The wagons circled Moonbeam…some unseen to the eye. Energies of love are more powerful than we can ever fathom. You are loved.
I will continue to mention you when I light my candles.
Love and Light to you our dear Moonbeam and for your Tom too!
(((gypsy-heart))): Isn’t it funny that we discussed something similar the first time you commented here?
It’s early, and I haven’t had enough coffee yet this morning to put my thoughts into cohesive sentences, but I wanted to thank you for your encouragement, your kindness and your candle lighting– you’re an angel too.
how are yoou moonbeam?
Kaylee, I’m so sorry we didn’t get to talk more this weekend. The fibro wiped me out. I’m going to IM you when I get back to Columbus.
I was just going over my old posts in my ibanag family blog and towards the end I saw your comment on one of my earliest posts. I immediately went to your site. I am happy I found your site again. The things you mentioned in this post rang a very, very familiar tone. I could almost picture my self 5 years ago when I had to leave my job because of an illness. It’s been more than 5 years. No regular employment, with a small business, glad and thankful to my GOD that I am still around alive and kicking and blogging.
Please stay well.
I shall do this again.
My best to you.
Cheers as always!
Lotus Flower, I’m so glad to see you here! I’m happy you found my site again too. Glad you’re still alive, kicking, and blogging too. When I can, I’ll hop over to your wonderful blog and read up!
I hope that you’re staying well too. It’s wonderful to read positive stories of people like you who’ve hurdled physical obstacles and successfully done things their way. I appreciate your comments so much.
Blessings to you, Ms. Moonbeam, and my prayers, too. You know, an angel is defined as “a messenger of God’s love and grace.” I’ve encountered many angels in my 62 years and none of them had wings or halos or could fit with 9,999 of their kind on the head of a pin. But every one of them graciously shared their love and compassion with others.
Thank you so much (((Nick))). That’s a great job description for an angel.
Ask and the universe listens, MB.
keep the faith, okay?
Prayers going out to ya . . .
be well,
~m
Thanks so much, Michael. I’m hanging in there and keeping faith. Funny, I couldn’t think of a good response to your “When God Winks” post, but I think that what I’ve written here is it.
Thank you so much for the words of encouragement.
I forgot to mention how encouraging it is to read your appreciation of your own good fortune, especially having also read your words on some of your traumas and sufferings. I am very happy to have found your blog!
~m puts it very nicely: keep the faith
Thanks so much David. They aren’t so much traumas and sufferings as “stuff that happened.” It all passes, and it all makes me that much more grateful for the good.
I’m happy that you found my blog too– it’s how I found yours, which I really enjoy.
I loved the photo too! And this is so wonderful, what a blessing. Good things really can come of out of bad things.
Thanks Wendy, I agree. I sure do miss yapping with you though.
I am not complaing, only reporting: I still cannot read any post of yours except the last one.
Are you sure it happens only to me?
Hmmmm…no, I’m not sure. Can anyone reading this tell me if they’re having the same problem as cantueso?
My mother had to quit working becaue of her fibro as well. I know how hard it has hit her, and can only hope you can make it through this to collect your pay. I’m glad you have an understanding supervisor–not all of them are.
Thanks, Jamie. I’m sorry about your mom. I’m really, really trying to make this work. You’re right– my supervisor is way more compassionate than most. I am so lucky!
You’re amazing, McQueenie.
I’m so glad you’re back! Can’t wait until my weekend blog catch-up, so I can read about your vacation and find out how things have been.
Ms Moon Goddess (cool name huh?) I tried several of your links and they all work for me.
This is wonderful news, Moonbeam. I’m very happy for you, and for me that I found your blog, because I share in your happiness. I have a suggestion for you. I also wanted a teacup pup, but the more I learned, the more I learned this is a BAD IDEA because when they breed animals for tiny size, they also breed in a lot of difficulties (breathing, back, hip joint, etc.) which makes them VERY EXPENSIVE TO MAINTAIN because you are always hauling them to the vet. I found an alternative that definitely works for me: I got an Abyssinian cat. They are tiny (mine is 5 lbs grown), very intelligent, and very dog-like. They are not like other cats. My Chloe plays fetch as long as I can stand, and she is quirky and fascinating and incredibly affectionate. She follows me to the toilet, sits in my lap when I’m writing, and plays when I feel like playing. I had to get her from a breeder, and she cost $250, which is more than I ever imagined paying for a cat, but she’s everything I ever wanted in a teacup pup and then some. Just an idea for you. I didn’t know about Abyssinian cats until I moved to Portland a couple of months ago.
@ kendall: I’m so glad to see you here! I’ve read about the health problems of some teacups– I may go for just a really small (non-teacup) breed instead. I hadn’t thought about another cat. I looked up Abyssinians just now, and they’re adorable! I’m afraid that this might be too much competition for our current cat, who seems to think he’s our little pre-schooler. He’s not much of a lap sitter though, and I can’t take him for walks in the park. I’m going to read up more on Abyssinians, just because I know nothing about them besides what you’ve just written. Thanks for the thoughts!
(If this doesn’t make much sense, I just got home from work and I’m wiped out!)
Ah, I didn’t realize you have a cat already. But it’s still a thought. Abys are very sociable, but they’re not fighters. Maybe if you got a girl Aby, your boy cat wouldn’t feel the need to challenge. Or maybe not. Just an idea that worked for me!
Wow. Boy am I behind. Ms. McQueen, I’m both happy and worried for you. And I will follow your new working adventure.