Rhymes and Reasons

Hoorah! It is with great joy that I announce my grand entrance into the 21st century. I’ve published an e-book, and if you read this blog with any regularity, you know that the fact that I actually did it is a modern-day miracle. I’ve lost 78 pounds in the process. I’ve pulled out my hair in clumps. If I were a yard, I’d have to re-sod patches of my scalp. The remaining strands have turned white, and my left eye twitches non-stop. It’s all terribly attractive. My family has washed their hands of me, my friends are all hiding.  My husband now sleeps on the sofa at night and my dog hates my guts.

But I did it, by clickety. I wrote and studied and tutorialed. I formatted, unformatted, reformatted and cursed a lot. I considered adopting a drug and alcohol dependency, but my brain barely works as it is. Best not to mess with those few remaining cells.

My goal, besides (hopefully) generating a little income, was to learn how to do this self-publishing thing.  I have a vault full of stories and essays, but I wanted to start small and simply. I wrote a lot of poems and went about the task of compiling them into an e-book. It’s not a big book, or an important book, and it’s definitely not a great book– just a little volume of mostly-humorous, light verse.

I hear what you’re thinking . “Ugh!” your brain whispers, “I’d rather jab a fork into my eye than read poetry.”

I beseech you to lay the utensil down. Rethink your position. This is a book of poetry for people who don’t read poetry, developed especially for you by the maker of my mind.  It’s somewhat reminiscent of Emily Dickinson, if Emily Dickinson were a middle-aged woman fighting on the frontline of  a hormonal battlefield. It’s like Shakespeare, if Shakespeare had low self-esteem and an issue with meter.  It conjures the dulcet, silvery tone of Lord Byron, had Byron been tone-deaf and stuck in the house all day with only a wee, neurotic Chihuahua for company.  If you normally avoid poetry like  nuns avoid online dating, you’re going to like this book. I hope. As a professionally trained compulsive worrier, I can’t be certain, but I have a hunch.

Now comes the next step– publicizing.

I’m a Facebook failure, a LinkedIn loser. I’m Twitterphobic.  People talk about branding themselves and all I can think of are those poor cows you see standing around in pastures with a big “Bar K Ranch” emblem seared onto their butts. Ouch. I have to make an attempt, though. I’ve to get out there with the big boys and let the world know about my itty-bitty book. So I’m asking a favor– please go to my new Facebook page and hit “like.” You can find it by clicking here.  There, you’ll find updates on my doings. There will be links and contests, special offers and whatnot. Lots and lots of whatnot.

Peculiar Rhymes and Intimate Observations: A Book of Light Verse is available on Amazon, in the Kindle Store. Here’s the link, along with a few sample pages. You can also purchase it on Smashwords by clicking here. It’s formatted for every device, including, I think, the toaster oven. There are versions for Nook, Kindle, iPhone, Sony Reader, Adobe Digital and the good old-fashioned computer monitor, among others.

Your feedback is welcome and enormously appreciated. Your support means the world. Please feel free to shoot me e-mails, offer suggestions, post comments, write reviews and buy books! I hope it’s as much fun for you to read as it was for me to write. Not the publishing part though. That sucked.

Special Offer: For the next ten days, those who “Like” my new Facebook page will receive 15% off of the whopping $2.99 listed price when you buy at Smashwords. What a bargain! 


12 thoughts on “Rhymes and Reasons

  1. trishatruly says:

    I just bought it and already I love it!!
    I have only just read the first poem and I want to share it with EVERYONE!
    How can I do that without doing something illegal a la copyright material!! I will give you full credit!
    It is my mantra but you said it best!

  2. Oh (((Trisha))), thanks for buying it, and I’m SOOO glad you’re enjoying!

    Please feel free to post that first poem. If you wouldn’t mind linking back to this page, I’d appreciate it!

  3. trishatruly says:

    LOVE IT! And you!

    Love you back, Trisha! I’m so glad to see you here, and on my FB page, and I’m thrilled that you were the first to buy my book!

  4. Going to look to see where to buy now :) thanks for pointing me over here Trisha!!!!

    Lisa was here! This has been the coolest day.

  5. Tanya says:

    Your book is delicious and delightful. I treasure it now and always and applaud you blazing the e-book trail. xo Tanya

    Oh, Tanya, thank you!! Can you imagine how great that makes me feel? Probably not, but I promise, it’s pretty fantastic!

  6. I had to hop over here for a moment and say thank you. It’s been a stellar day. Thank you to those who have already bought the book. Thanks to those who are linking and chatting and reviewing, and to those who’ve pressed that little like button on the new Facebook page. I’m learning a lot with all of this, and you’re all helping enormously.That being said, please don’t stop!!!

    I love you guys. I really do.

  7. David says:

    “by clickety” – I LOVE that! I’m going to use that at work tomorrow at the first opportunity.

    Theo will get over it. The left eye twitch can be balanced by enthusiastic winking with the right eye, which should simultaneously lure the husband from the couch. It’s all good! Except for the lost hair. Sadly, lost hair is rarely found.

    On a happier note, I heartily recommend this book. It’s not ponderous poetry friends, it’s light verse in the best sense of the term. Worth every penny!

    Help support the Home for Wayward Bloggers and Retired Carnival Personnel. It’s a good cause!

    David, my brain is soooo tired. Today I’ve screwed up tweets and posts and replies to comments in this section. But what a happy day it’s been! I can honestly say that I’ve learned more by doing all of this than I did in a lot of college classes, especially the ones related to math.

    Thank you for your book endorsement! And as always, thanks for your support for the Moonbeam McQueen Home for Wayward Bloggers and Retired Carnival Personnel (MMHWBRCP).

    I like your plan– about the winking. As for the bald spots– well, maybe I can use some proceeds from the book to buy a wig. I’m thinking something sexy and peroxide blonde. If the eye thing doesn’t get Amadeus off the sofa, I’ve got a backup.

  8. rheath40 says:

    Moonbeam I’m so happy for you!!!!! I’ve missed you.

    Renee, thank you so much. I’ve sincerely missed you too. My blog reading has fallen by the wayside during all of this, but I’ll be catching up with you soon. I love reading about your world!

  9. Pat . says:

    I am still battling the cockroaches – and they are getting bigger. When I get back home and feel safe again i will go lickety clikety and buy the thing – promise.
    Glad you are/were having a good day – and well done – again!

    Pat, if I didn’t put this comment in context with the last few you’ve written, I’d be laughing like crazy. But, as we all know, you are not hallucinating, and cockroaches are Hell’s little foot soldiers. I hope you get to leave there soon, and thank you for the kind wishes!

  10. ryoko861 says:

    Oh, it’s not you on LinkedIn. That site is SO rogue it isn’t funny! Twitter is probably your best bet and I know someone on Twitter that promotes ebooks! They WANT to promote your book! But just keep tweeting your book. And your friends on twitter will retweet your link and so on. There’s nothing to be afraid of!! Email me with questions! But that’s your best platform!
    Congrats on having it published. If anything, you learned about self publishing, formatting, different programs, weight loss, hair removal…….more than I’ll ever know!

    I am on LinkedIn (under MB McQueen), though I don’t know how to use it. I’m about thirteen years behind the times, Web-wise.

    I’m tweeting like a bluebird in heat. I’m Facebooking like a madwoman, though I still contend that there should be a “Facelift” book for people over forty. Still…I’m learning a bit, and that’s what this is all about. Thank you for your very sweet offer! I will e-mail you if I have questions about all of this muckety-muck. And please, feel free to e-mail me if you have any suggestions. Hugs a-plenty to you.

    P.S. I really didn’t lose 78 pounds. If writing involved weight-loss, I’d knock out a book a week. They’d all suck, but I’d look fabulous!

  11. iliketoads says:

    I downloaded a sample onto my phone and I love it! I have no way to purchase anything online right now but when I do I will buy it. Very witty and fun read! Congrats, Moonbeam!

    Oh, I’m so glad you like that little sample. I hope you enjoy the rest of it as much!

  12. Expat Alien says:

    Awesome! Congrats!

    Thanks, Expat!

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