Storm Clouds in Lalaland


I’ve been residing in Lalaland for many years now. It’s fabulous here–the weather’s warm, but not too warm, there’s glitter in the tree bark and no one ever has intestinal problems. The fishing is excellent. People are kind. Here, IRS stands for “I’m Reading Salinger.” Bills are the nicest guys you’d ever want to meet. In Lalaland, I sit at my desk and write stories (that are sure to be best-sellers), while the laundry magically washes itself.  I sort of look like Gisele Bundchen.

But I have to admit, despite living in this zip code (which, by the way is !!!!!), I sometimes get discouraged. Writing isn’t just an occupation, it’s a lifestyle choice, one that sometimes involves isolation, frustration and a smattering of poverty. It’s okay-we’re good with it. Amadeus believes in me and I work hard to earn the honor. But sometimes it rains, even in Lalaland.

A week and a half ago, clouds began to form. I sat upstairs writing, a pursuit which I live in hope will someday increase our income. Optimism is a huge part of the Lalaland experience.

Six weeks earlier, I’d sent a story to Salon.com, and never received a confirmation or a reply. I wrote back to the editor–you know, just a “Hello how are you did you read my story do you like it will you publish it” thing. I never heard a word back, which to me, is more of a rejection than a rejection letter. Note to editors: It takes less than thirteen seconds to type “It sucks” into the body of an email.

A bit of self-loathing starting glomming onto me. What the hell am I doing? I asked myself. Why am I wasting my time? I’m a hack. I’m not making any money at this. And why is my hair so frizzy? It was the end of the month, a tough time for us financially. Thunder began to rumble in Laland. Physically, I was feeling like a baked potato–sort of lumpy, untalented and unattractive. In an unfortunate cost-cutting move, I went into the bathroom and hacked off a bunch of my hair.  It looked awful, but it took my mind off of writing for a while. After a few more hours of aimless typing, combined with three rounds of Candy Crush Saga and some moping, I went to bed.

The thing about storm clouds in Lalaland is that they move quickly. Sun rays start peeking out. I woke up the next morning, and boy, howdy, were there rays. I went downstairs, chugged some coffee and started a glorious new week. Here’s how things progressed:

Sunday: Checked my e-mail and found that one of my stories had been accepted for a regional NPR radio program! A special live, one-hour broadcast–the first in the show’s eight-year history. The producer wrote that it would be streamed around the world via satellite radio and would be podcast too. I almost tinkled from joy. Oh my gosh, you should have seen Amadeus. He was so proud.

Monday: Got a t-shirt in the mail from a musician friend of Amadeus’, along with two of his CDs. This was, I think, because I told him I love Jack Handey. That night, I had a lovely phone conversation with a blog friend in Portland, our first. It was so nice to hear her voice after so many years of typing to each other.

Tuesday: Freaked out half the day about the radio show. What would I wear? What about my hair? How could I lose ten pounds in five days? Was a face lift possible? The show was in front of a live audience, and was to be videotaped. I told Amadeus, “It’ll be fine. Surely I’ll find something in the closet that will work.” Between you and me, I was a little sad, but what could I do? As I’ve said, I chose this lifestyle, and it’s just not a hair salon, new dress type of deal.

Wednesday: Opened e-mail. Received notice of a PayPal donation from a friend/reader in New Zealand, the largest in the history of this blog. He wasn’t aware of any of the above–it was just a huge, serendipitous act of generosity. It still overwhelms me to talk about it, but you can read about it here.

Thursday: Bill paying! Shopping! Later, a friend came over with a miraculous hair straightening tool. I modeled my beautiful new copper-colored dress, and she and Amadeus oohed and aahed. Later, I went to hear my hubby make music with some other seriously talented musicians, and a drunk lady gave me her bracelet. I’ve since returned it, but it was such a nice gesture. Plus, it went with the dress.

Friday-Saturday: Insane non-stop fidgeting, worrying, stressing, but in an upbeat way. I asked Amadeus to take a pic of me in the new dress, so I could see what it’d look like on stage. I discovered I bore a striking resemblance to a Tootsie Roll. I rummaged around and finally found something I felt comfy in.*

Sunday: The Radio Show!** And another t-shirt! Followed by lovely people who told me how much they enjoyed my story! Followed by a margarita! Followed by a nap!

Monday: I was in the newspaper! Because of the above thing! I can’t stop typing exclamation points!

Tuesday: Another sweetheart of a blog friend, this one in New Hampshire, e-mailed to say that, in honor of the NPR show, he was sending me a gift–an entire mess of garlic from his garden and a new CD. It arrived today. Seeing that box of thoughtfulness sitting on the doorstep made my heart all melty. By the way, “a mess” equals fifteen bulbs.

There was so much goodness woven into the week, so many great moments. Songwriting with my hubby. The company of friends. Words of encouragement. Laughter. Little miracles here and there that let us know things are going to be okay.

The weather continues to improve. Life gets rough. Things gets tough. Then the world becomes beautiful once again. Rinse and repeat. That’s the way things work in Lalaland. I’m so fortunate, and so grateful. 

 

*It’s something I later discovered looked like a festive mumu on film, but living in Lalaland allows me to stay in denial about it until I see the video.

**I’ll post links to the podcast as soon as they become available.

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Storm Clouds in Lalaland

  1. trishatruly says:

    You inspire me, You really do, in SO many ways. You made a committment to your dream and you are seeing success (Duly earned!) I wish I had that sense of belief in myself. I have been an artist for oh, so many years, and I hesitate to even now call myself that. It sounds SO pretentious.
    Also, the gift thing.
    I love giving things to people but sometimes the gifts seem small and silly and I hesitate to send them on their way, thinking— will they see this and wonder “WTF was she thinking?”
    No more.
    Gifts are from the heart, no matter how small they may seem.
    Thank you for making things clearer.
    I adore you.
    (And I’m secretly jealous as shit.) :)

    Trisha, can I make a tiny suggestion? Call yourself an artist. It’s who you are, and what you do. Saying it aloud makes it all the more true. You wouldn’t feel pretentious telling people you were an interior designer or schoolteacher, unless you spoke in a fake British accent and looked down your nose when you said it. And I know you don’t do that. You just do what you’re called to do, and that’s something to be proud of. You’re extremely talented.

    In Lalaland, people run around like kindergartners, sharing the stuff they create. They dance around and shout “Look what I made!!” It’s a happy thing. It makes the world a better place.

    I struggle with the gift-giving too. I feel so undeserving, and am never in a position to reciprocate. About the best I can come up with is maybe painting some dumb little art cards and sending those off. I think, “Who’d want a dumb little art card?” But honestly, if I was on the receiving end, I’d be thrilled. Knowing I’m thought of with such kindness is more fantastic than the object itself. It makes me cry every time. Maybe others feel that way too. As you said, “Gifts are from the heart.” It’s all about hearts.

    I don’t feel like much of a success, but small successes here and there are so rewarding. Don’t be jealous–we’re often buried beneath an avalanche of sparkly pony poop. ;)

    I adore you too–big time. Thanks for these wonderful words (another gift!).

    (Holy mother of Pearl. What a long reply. Sorry–I’m all tanked up on coffee beans.)

  2. Pat . says:

    Thanks for sharing your great week with us. I am glad I had a part to play in making it such a week. And, when the link is up, I look forward to hearing you “knocking them dead” from Lalaland :-)

    You were the rainbow colored sprinkles on my Lalaland week. Thank you again, Pat, for both the gift and the blog post.

  3. mrs fringe says:

    You are amazing, Ms Moonbeam. I wish you would have stopped in for coffee (or gin) when you were visiting in my zip code a week and a half ago, I’m glad you’ve moved on. <3

    BTW, I agree, I hate the number of no response=no nowadays. So frustrating, trying to figure out when to close it out as a no, since every agent/editor has a different time table. I don't think they need 13 seconds, an auto reject can be programmed and sent with one click.

    Not amazing so much as tenaciously stupid. Or stupidly tenacious. Hope one day we can have that coffee (or gin, or both). I agree completely about the auto-response. A little professional courtesy goes a long way.

  4. Laurana Wong says:

    Yes!

    You are another one who’s turned things around when things were going south. I still keep your beautiful book nearby, and look through it often.

    And Yes! to you–you’re living your dream. So happy for you! You’re amazing.

  5. David says:

    I’ve been living in LaLaLand ever since, uh, let’s see, the farther back I look the more smoke and haze there seems to be … but

    You hit the key points of what citizens of LaLaLand need to remember, since we have neither flag nor daily pledge to recite to one, if we did have … We have flow with which to go. And that optimism you mentioned, subject to occasional dents and dings. We have that mood that always swings. Something like the ocean tide, highs and lows throughout the ride. So let’s just stop this silly lyric, now that it’s a total syrup.

    Another trait of LaLaLandians: unnecessary versification. We get tangled in words as easily as we do in silences.

    Anyway, your efforts are noteworthy on so many levels. We who’ve been reading you here all these years keep coming back. It’s so thrilling that you’re seeing some well-deserved recognition. Now you can better imagine some of the terror that famous people must have to live with. Nevertheless, I wish you fame and fortune. You and Amadeus both. Words and Music. YEA!

    Your Lalaland anthem has great potential! I couldn’t ask for a better neighbor.

    Thank you for your good wishes. I may be going about all of this in a weird way, but all we’re really hoping for is a way to earn income by doing what we love (and we love words and music!!). The radio show is a great addition to a resume.

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