Hoorah! It is with great joy that I announce my grand entrance into the 21st century. I’ve published an e-book, and if you read this blog with any regularity, you know that the fact that I actually did it is a modern-day miracle. I’ve lost 78 pounds in the process. I’ve pulled out my hair in clumps. If I were a yard, I’d have to re-sod patches of my scalp. The remaining strands have turned white, and my left eye twitches non-stop. It’s all terribly attractive. My family has washed their hands of me, my friends are all hiding. My husband now sleeps on the sofa at night and my dog hates my guts.
But I did it, by clickety. I wrote and studied and tutorialed. I formatted, unformatted, reformatted and cursed a lot. I considered adopting a drug and alcohol dependency, but my brain barely works as it is. Best not to mess with those few remaining cells.
My goal, besides (hopefully) generating a little income, was to learn how to do this self-publishing thing. I have a vault full of stories and essays, but I wanted to start small and simply. I wrote a lot of poems and went about the task of compiling them into an e-book. It’s not a big book, or an important book, and it’s definitely not a great book– just a little volume of mostly-humorous, light verse.
I hear what you’re thinking . “Ugh!” your brain whispers, “I’d rather jab a fork into my eye than read poetry.”
I beseech you to lay the utensil down. Rethink your position. This is a book of poetry for people who don’t read poetry, developed especially for you by the maker of my mind. It’s somewhat reminiscent of Emily Dickinson, if Emily Dickinson were a middle-aged woman fighting on the frontline of a hormonal battlefield. It’s like Shakespeare, if Shakespeare had low self-esteem and an issue with meter. It conjures the dulcet, silvery tone of Lord Byron, had Byron been tone-deaf and stuck in the house all day with only a wee, neurotic Chihuahua for company. If you normally avoid poetry like nuns avoid online dating, you’re going to like this book. I hope. As a professionally trained compulsive worrier, I can’t be certain, but I have a hunch.
Now comes the next step– publicizing.
I’m a Facebook failure, a LinkedIn loser. I’m Twitterphobic. People talk about branding themselves and all I can think of are those poor cows you see standing around in pastures with a big “Bar K Ranch” emblem seared onto their butts. Ouch. I have to make an attempt, though. I’ve to get out there with the big boys and let the world know about my itty-bitty book. So I’m asking a favor– please go to my new Facebook page and hit “like.” You can find it by clicking here. There, you’ll find updates on my doings. There will be links and contests, special offers and whatnot. Lots and lots of whatnot.
Peculiar Rhymes and Intimate Observations: A Book of Light Verse is available on Amazon, in the Kindle Store. Here’s the link, along with a few sample pages. You can also purchase it on Smashwords by clicking here. It’s formatted for every device, including, I think, the toaster oven. There are versions for Nook, Kindle, iPhone, Sony Reader, Adobe Digital and the good old-fashioned computer monitor, among others.
Your feedback is welcome and enormously appreciated. Your support means the world. Please feel free to shoot me e-mails, offer suggestions, post comments, write reviews and buy books! I hope it’s as much fun for you to read as it was for me to write. Not the publishing part though. That sucked.
Special Offer: For the next ten days, those who “Like” my new Facebook page will receive 15% off of the whopping $2.99 listed price when you buy at Smashwords. What a bargain!