At the risk of alienating each and every one of you, I’m having a fundraiser. A teeny tiny fundraiser–a blogathon, if you will. It’s my last resort. I’d considered other options, but none seemed workable.
Other Options That Didn’t Seem Workable:
A Telethon– I’d heard that Jerry Lewis was available. But his plane fare would have cost more than the amount I’m trying to raise. It’s a shame, because for years, I’ve fantasized about him singing, “You’ll Never Walk Alone” and handing me an eighteen-foot check. In this case, it would be overkill.
A Potholder Sale– This is out, because I’d have to buy one of those looms, the hook and the loops– an astronomical $13.99 (plus shipping) at Dick Blick, which would equal about 15% of the amount I’m trying to raise. Plus, in my entire life, I’ve completed exactly one potholder, and I was about eleven at the time. I think it took me three years.
Prostitution: Twenty years and twenty pounds too late for this one. I could try it, but there just aren’t enough old, visually impaired, sex-deprived men living around here to make it a worthwhile venture. Also, I’d be arrested. Also, my husband might get angry. And it’s ooky.
Bank Robbery: I’m afraid I’d be laughed at when I slid the note with the amount I need to the teller. Also, I’d be arrested. And my husband might get angry.
I came up with a few equally brilliant ideas, but I’ll spare you. It’s lunchtime, and I’m worried about your digestive tract. Besides, most of my ideas are flat out stupid. The bottom line is that after careful consideration, I decided to come here and make my plea.
Here’s the story. I wrote a story. Well, I’ve written a bunch of stories, and I’ll soon be publishing them. These are personal essays, memoir-y things and short fiction. As God is my witness, I’m not subjecting the world to any more of my poetry– at least, not for a while.
I wrote one short story, entitled, “The Watch,” which I’m planning to publish as a Kindle Single. It’s a tale that’s near and dear to my heart, and I’m hoping that the editors at Amazon will accept it.
I put the finishing touches on it a few weeks ago, but I encountered a small glitch along the way. The story contains song lyrics, and I needed to obtain permission to use them. I’ve never done this before, and had no idea as to how to go about it. I searched the ASCAP catalog and found a few leads, but couldn’t figure out who held the rights. I e-mailed a Famous Person who’d recorded the song to see if he could help, but received no reply. I even logged onto Facebook and friended another Famous Person who’d recorded it; I messaged him and asked if he could point me in the right direction, but he ignored me too. It was hard to imagine that they wouldn’t put their lives on hold and make time for me, but sadly, it seemed to be the case.
Finally, Amadeus suggested that I search another publishing company’s catalog, and voila! There it was! I found a contact, who directed me to another contact who sent me to the publishing company that held the rights. I put in my request, held my breath and waited for five long weeks (yes, I turned blue). This morning, I received a reply. The good news is, THEY’RE GOING TO LET ME USE THE SONG LYRICS! They only want $100, which I think is incredibly reasonable. The bad news is, I don’t have $100. I counted the loose change at the bottom of my purse and even checked the sofa cushions. I came up with $1.31, a red jelly bean, a guitar pick and some lint.
I know I’m being bold here, but for the first time ever, I’m requesting donations. It feels a bit weird and impolite to do so, but I really want to publish this story. I need to publish it. So, I guess I’m having a blogathon. If you have even a little to give, please consider pressing the PayPal button on my sidebar and plunking down $1 or $12 or $753,000. My goal is $100. If, by some Mayan end-of-the-world miracle, I receive anything over that amount, it will go toward my next project. Incentive (you know, like they do on PBS): Unless you choose to remain anonymous, those who donate $10 or more will receive a Kindle Single version of “The Watch.” If Amazon doesn’t accept it as a Single (impossible!), or if you don’t have a Kindle, I’ll send it to you as an old-fashioned email attachment, or by smoke signal. Think of it– for a mere pittance, you–yes, you–can be an arts patron! If, of course, you suspend disbelief and consider what I do art.
So there you have it. There’s my plea. It feels awful to ask, but not quite as awful as soliciting old blind men.
P.S. In order to provide you with some blogathon ambience, here are the Smoking Popes, performing their super-swell version of “You’ll Never Walk Alone.”
UPDATE: I reached my goal! The blogathon has ended!
To those who donated: Thank you, thank you for supporting my writing efforts! You’re angels, every single one of you. Oh my gosh– I’m so excited!!!